Pregnancy diary part 3

The weeks are still slowly dragging by. Do I really have another two months of this left?!  As I continue to grow bigger and more uncomfortable I'm trying to see the funny side of things. Today I was told I look very pregnant.  It made me smile as I thought about how it's fine to tell someone they look really pregnant but tell someone they're looking really fat today and they won't thank you for it!

It's now become near impossible to cook without splashing dinner on myself as my belly sticks out so far and my husband can't help laughing at how far away from the counter I have to stand these days.

One of the more bizarre pregnancy symptoms is the 'nesting instinct' and mine has certainly kicked in.  The last few weeks I've had a strong urge to rearrange the house and tidy and clean.  Of course I can't lift stuff or reach for things and struggle to bend down so the result was a weekend of me waddling around instructing my husband to move things all over the place.  I think this has been the hardest symptom for him to handle so far and know I must have driven him crazy!  But now the house looks great and most stuff we need is in place. It almost looks like there's a kid living here already.

One of the funniest moments so far was when I asked my husband to cut my toes nails for me. He's a bit of a germophobe and he also hates feet so I knew my request wouldn't go down well.  Anyone who knows my husband knows that he likes to be a bit of a drama queen at times to milk things for their comedy value and tonight was no exception.  I was in fits of laughter watching him squirm and object as I tried to get him to touch my feet. Eventually he made an attempt to cut a toe nail but cutting someone elses nails is actually pretty hard cos you can't tell if you're hurting them.  Add to that the fact that Josh is left handed and trying to use right handed scissors and you'll see just how challenging it was!

It's my birthday on Tuesday and my parents are paying for me to have a pregnancy spa day which is gonna be great. I'm looking forward to some pampering. But it just dawned on me that some poor person is gonna have to massage my unshaved legs and get near my nasty looking feet. Do I dare to ask my husband to help me shave my legs?!!

The pregnancy diary continues...

Once upon a time I used to find having a bath relaxing. Today my back and ribs were aching so I decided to take a nice bath.  This bath was anything but relaxing! I used to love a good hour long soak in the tub but there was no chance of that tonight. I was in the bath for only about 20 mins and had to get out to pee twice!

Shaving my legs has now become quite an ordeal.  No matter how I tried to shift position and contort myself my growing belly just would not let me get my legs near enough to reach.

Next I tried to lie down and take the weight off my bump but quickly realised that was a mistake as I couldn't sit up again! Thankfully we have one of those P shaped baths so the extra width allowed my to eventually roll over on to my side and then get up on all fours.  Thought I was gonna have to call hubby to come rescue me for a minute there. My husband has now become quite used to hearing the words "babe, I'm stuck" and having to rescue me cos I'm stuck on the sofa or can't get out of my tights haha.

Navigating the storms of life

Change is an inevitable part of life and the past few weeks at work have certainly been full of unexpected changes! I've found it interesting watching different people's reactions to all that has been going on. Some people are excited by the change but others are not coping so well (mentioning no names Mr grumpy pants in the corner!)

So what is it that influences our ability to cope with and even welcome change?  Like an anchor holding a boat in a storm, we all seem to need something or someone as that one stable thing to cling to.  Some of us feel able to weather any storm as long as our partner is still by our side. Others feel sure they can handle any challenge as long as they have money.  Some place their security in their career. And others may feel that no matter who else abandons them in life they will always have their parents to rely on. So what is it for you? What is your anchor?

The problem with all these things is that none of them are 100% solid. Jobs get axed, relationships end, people die and money gets lost. So is there anything or anyone we can fully rely on to help us through the storms of life? I believe I have found the answer.

The Bible says there is one person we can always rely on:

    "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!" Hebrews 13:8

King David wrote:

    "The Lord is my solid rock, my fortress, my rescuer. My God is my rock— I take refuge in him!- he’s my shield and my salvation’s strength, my place of safety and my shelter." 2 Samuel 22:2-3

I have found this to be true in my own life. I remember a time in my late teens when a lot of changes hit me all at once and I was trusting in my partner at the time to get me through. So when he left me in the middle of the changes I kinda went off the deep end and was a mess for a while.  But over the past few years I have learnt to put my trust in Jesus more and more.  Not so long ago I went through a period of massive change like never before. In 18 months I moved house 4 times, changed jobs 5 times, changed church twice and went from being single to engaged to married!  Through it all I was able to remain (mostly) calm as I had total trust that no matter what else happened I knew I could rely on Jesus and his promises to me in the Bible.


Through all the storms of life my daily prayer is this...

"Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and I can't handle together."

Place your bets...

For me the novelty of pregnancy has worn off and the weeks are starting to drag. My husband however is still finding plenty of amusement in the whole situation.  Recently he has become fascinated with watching my belly button slowly turn from an 'inny' to an 'outy'.  The transition is still in its early stages with only the top bit sticking out so far. 



So, place your bets - what date do you think the transition to full outy will be complete? Post your answers and the winner will receive a prize!

Preparing for birth

Week 28 - I'm now in my final trimester and growing impatient to meet our little boy. The weeks continue to slowly tick by and my belly slowly grows bigger and more and more like an alien movie as the baby moves around more.  The novelty of pregnancy is starting to wear off, the rib pain is growing worse and the tiredness from the first trimester is slowly creeping back.

I'm running out of things to do to prepare for baby and help the time to pass so I've begun researching about birth and writing my birth plan.  One of the first things I read was that giving birth takes about as much effort as running a marathon. Oh dear - I'm sooo not in shape for a marathon!!  So then I started reading up on what kind of training regime I need to get me ready.  I found this really useful article on Pregnancy exercises like pelvic floor exercises.  So, I have my fitness regime planned:

Step 1: Do pelvic floor exercises daily
(Step 0.5: Work out where pelvic floor muscles are!)
Step 2: Sit cross legged a lot

Doesn't sound too strenuous to me.  12 weeks is long enough to train for a marathon right? Or perhaps I should have thought about this sooner?!

Next up I found this article on labour tools which had some great simple ideas that made my husband and I laugh (tennis balls? rolling pin?).

Finally, I got to the main topic of concern during childbirth - PAIN! As I read it became clear that for a lot of women their main aim in labour is to feel as little pain as possible. And there was me thinking the main aim is to give birth to a healthy child! Now the big question is do I want an epidural.  Though I'm really not a fan of excruciating pain, I'm not sure I like the idea of being numb from the waist down either.  How am I supposed to feel what's going on or know when to push if I can't feel anything? How will I know if I'm tearing or doing other damage to myself without the help of pain to alert me? 

It got me thinking about how we view pain, not just in child birth but in life generally. Most people view pain as a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.  But is pain really always a bad thing? Doesn't pain let us know when something is wrong? Doesn't it let us know we're alive? Surely feeling pain is preferable to feeling nothing at all?!

Beer Bread

Today I made two new discoveries:

1) My belly is now so big that when I'm sat at my desk at work my belly is actually sat on my lap!
2) Beer bread......

Baking bread is one of those things I've always wanted to try but it sounded like a lot of effort and I wasn't sure if my culinary skills were up to it.  Then a friend gave me a recipe for beer bread. It's so insanely easy and yummy I thought I'd share it with you all. Just a few simple ingredients involved and zero skill. Best of all, as it's an America recipe the measurements are in cups so I can still make it when the batteries in my kitchen scales are dead (digital scales seemed like such a good idea when we got them - not sure I fully thought it through).  For those of you that don't have measuring cups don't worry as I'll include ml measurements too so you can just use a measuring jug (yes that's right use a measuring jug to measure out flour - I know, Americans bake funny, but I kinda like it).

What you need:
3 cups/700ml self raising flour
1 cup/230ml sugar
1 bottle Newcastle Brown Ale or similar
1/4 cup/60ml melted butter

Mix together the flour, sugar and beer and pour it into a buttered loaf tin.  It'll be runny like cake mix but don't let that worry you.  Put it in the oven at 350F (that's 180C) for 40 mins.  Pour the melted butter over the top and put back in the oven for another 10 minutes.  I found mine was still a little doughy in the middle and needed a little longer but I'm not convinced by the accuracy of my oven thermostat so yours may turn out just fine.

It tastes sooooo good - I can see it's not gonna last long!  I hope you enjoy it too. Happy baking :)

Pregnancy Update

I'm still enjoying this journey of discovery that is pregnancy.  Discoveries for this week include discovering I can no longer see my feet and that the swollen ankles (or 'cankles' as Josh likes to call them) have now set in.  Also discovered that now I can not only feel the baby move but can see it.  We were watching TV the other day and then started to see my belly jump around as the baby kicked and rolled around  - what a great new party trick!

As time goes by the baby feels less like indigestion and more like a little personality who responds to the world around him (like dancing along to 'Street Dance' the movie or kicking the midwife when she tries to measure his heartbeat or responding to the sound of his daddys voice as he reads Bible stories at bed time).

I'm beginning to see how lucky I am to have a great husband to share this journey with - someone to share my excitement with when I discover new things, someone to point out symptoms I hadn't noticed ('look babe - you've got stretch marks'......'ooo your belly button is nearly an outy!'.....etc), someone to take photos to help us remember forever, someone to browse 'toys r us' with, someone to help me work out how to use the baby carrier....

The other day I came home to find Josh sat on the floor surrounded by pushchair parts trying to work out how to put the cover back on the car seat and put the whole 'travel system' together.  He was loving getting the hang of all the buttons, perfecting his technique of switching it from one mode to another and giving me lessons in how it all works haha. I love how involved he's been in my pregnancy and know the journey wouldn't be as much fun without him. I thank God everyday that I have such good support and that our baby has a daddy who's already so in love with him and wanting to be involved in his life.

Do you know what it feels like for a girl?

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be pregnant? My husband was saying the other day that it's one of a few things he's curious to experience just to know what it feels like. So I thought I'd have a go at trying to describe what it's like.

First trimester
Imagine across between a bladder infection, irritable bowel syndrome and mild (or in some cases not so mild) flu.  You feel bloated, go off food and struggle to find the energy to get through the day.  Then you have an ultra sound scan and discover the bloated feeling was more than just gas or indigestion.  And that lumpy feeling in your stomach wasn't constipation - it's a baby!

Second trimester
You feel like a normal human being again - so much so that you often forget you're pregnant. (Of course your other half is very quick to remind you as soon as you so much as look at a piece of brie or glass of wine!)  Every now and then you feel a vein throbbing in your groin and then after a few weeks it becomes clear that it's not a vein at all - it's actually a little person kicking you in the groin to let you know that they find the jeans you are wearing very uncomfortable and really wish you'd buy some maternity clothes.  Some days you have rib pain, others it's hard to breathe but one thing that never goes away is the regular urge to pee. You soon find you know the location of every single public toilet in town.  When you look down at your belly it doesn't seem all that big to you but slowly you find your clothes getting too tight and you keep kneeing yourself in the belly every time you bend down to put your shoes on.  Things that used to be second nature (like taking your socks off or rolling over in bed) begin to require some thought and readjustment.  And it dawns on you one day that you have begun to waddle when you walk!

As for the third trimester, I don't reach that magical milestone until next weekend so I'll have to get back to you about that one.

Living in exile/The end of Christendom

I was reading an article the other day in which a guy was saying we need to adopt an "ecclesiology of exile".  So what was he on about? Well.....

Once upon a time Britian was a Christian nation and the majority of the population were regular church goers.  We lived in 'Christendom' and Christian values underpinned society in the UK.  But a lot has changed in the last century and now we are living in a society where Christians are very much in the minority.  The last figure I heard was that only 10% of the UK population attend church. Despite this we as Christians still try to impose our Christian values on our largely non-Christian society and lobby to pass laws based on Christian values which the majority of society no longer hold to.

The author of the article says, "We are not called to Christianize the state, there is no point prescribing Christian values for people who are not Christians. But we are in the industry of being a really, really annoying force of resistance in the world around us."

Once upon a time Christianity drove mainstream culture, now Christianity is very much different than mainstream culture. We need to accept our new status as being like exiles here and live like Daniel and his friends when they were in exile in Babylon - annoyingly different in a very intreaguing and inspiring way.  

We need to take a leaf out of the book of the Epistle to Diognetus:

For the Christians are distinguished from other men neither by country, nor language, nor the customs which they observe. For they neither inhabit cities of their own, nor employ a peculiar form of speech, nor lead a life which is marked out by any singularity. The course of conduct which they follow has not been devised by any speculation or deliberation of inquisitive men; nor do they, like some, proclaim themselves the advocates of any merely human doctrines. But, inhabiting Greek as well as barbarian cities, according as the lot of each of them has determined, and following the customs of the natives in respect to clothing, food, and the rest of their ordinary conduct, they display to us their wonderful and confessedly striking method of life. They dwell in their own countries, but simply as sojourners. As citizens, they share in all things with others, and yet endure all things as if foreigners. Every foreign land is to them as their native country, and every land of their birth as a land of strangers. They marry, as do all [others]; they beget children; but they do not destroy their offspring. They have a common table, but not a common bed. They are in the flesh, but they do not live after the flesh. They pass their days on earth, but they are citizens of heaven. They obey the prescribed laws, and at the same time surpass the laws by their lives. They love all men, and are persecuted by all. They are unknown and condemned; they are put to death, and restored to life. They are poor, yet make many rich; they are in lack of all things, and yet abound in all; they are dishonoured, and yet in their very dishonour are glorified. They are evil spoken of, and yet are justified; they are reviled, and bless; they are insulted, and repay the insult with honour; they do good, yet are punished as evil-doers. When punished, they rejoice as if quickened into life; they are assailed by the Jews as foreigners, and are persecuted by the Greeks; yet those who hate them are unable to assign any reason for their hatred.

What happened before the beginning?

A friend of mine went through a phase of preaching about Genesis a lot - to the point that we would tease him that 'it all begins in Genesis'.  One big focus he had was on God as Creator..."In the beginning God created...." and we are created in God's image so we are made to be creative too.

But if you read Genesis chapter 1 you'll see that God already existed before He created anything.  So what was He doing before He created? Genesis chapter 1 and John chapter 1 together paint a picture of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit all existing in relationship together before the universe began.  So even more fundamentally than being Creator, God is Father. Before He ever created He was already Father.

What implications does this have for us and how we view God and our relationship with Him?

The Bible talks constantly about God's grace and that we are saved by grace not works.  Despite this we still seem to have this idea in the back of our minds that if we do good things that makes us a good person who will be accepted by God and if we do bad things it makes us a bad person ("sinner") who will be rejected by God.  As mentioned in a previous blog post (http://www.smallstace.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/are-you-cursed.html ), this is utter heresy, known as Pelagianism. Or maybe we don't go quite as far as Pelagius - perhaps we accept God's forgiveness as an act of grace, but then from that point on live the rest of our lives as if we owe Him something and are still trying to pay back that debt.

As a soon to be parent, the theme of Father/Son relationships described throughout the Bible has new meaning to me. I am not having this baby because I want anything from him. I'm not expecting him to look after me or do things for me or give me stuff or do anything to earn my love. (In fact I'm expecting to give my life over to doing things for him and get nothing in return!).  Instead, I am having this baby because my husband and I love each other very much and we want to share that love with another and draw someone else into the loving relationship that we have. I will not be keeping a record of his rights and wrongs in order to weigh them up and decide whether to love him.  My reason for loving him will be only based on his identity as my son.

For this same reason we were created. In the beginning God the Father was loving the Son through the power of the Holy Spirit. And the Son, desiring to share the love the Father lavishes on him, chose to lavish love on us. We do not need to earn this love, only to be open to receive it as a free gift!

"God destined us to be his adopted children through Jesus Christ because of his love. This was according to his goodwill and plan  and to honor his glorious grace that he has given to us freely through the Son whom he loves." Ephesians 1:5-6

Olympic excitement

Here's what my husband got up to while I was having a lie in this morning...

Are you cursed?

Had a really great time last weekend hanging out with our student group and digging in to the Bible together.  We covered a lot of ground but I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you all.  One thing that really stuck me was how narrow minded we can be in our interpretation of the Bible and also in our presentation of the gospel.  The gospel I most hear preached in todays Western culture is kinda a repackaged version of karma based on a heresy made popular by Pelagius in around the 4th century (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pelagianism for more details). The way I have most often heard it is something like this....

Have you ever read the 10 commandments? Have you kept all the commandments? No.....you stole a pen once? Well you're a sinner. And because you're a sinner you're going to hell unless something can be done to make up for the bad things you have done. But don't worry cos Jesus offered to take the punishment for you - God the Father killed his Son Jesus to pay the price for what you did wrong. Isn't that great?

Ever heard that before?

There's a few problems I have with this telling of the Gospel...
1) Do we really think that the God of the Bible is so petty he's gonna send someone to hell for stealing a pen?
2) Is Jesus death on a cross really a proportional punishment for my crime of pen stealing?
3) If the problem is my doing a few things wrong then surely the solution lies with me too? Surely I can just do a few good things to even it out and then that's the problem solved? What do I need Jesus for?!

So what is the true message of the gospel? First we need to properly present the problem. 

"So, in the same way that sin entered the world through one person, and death came through sin, so death spread to all human beings with the result that all sinned." (Romans 5:12)

"Since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead came through one too. In the same way that everyone dies in Adam, so also everyone will be given life in Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:21-22)

The problem is not my 'sinful' actions. According to the Bible it is not my actions that make me a sinner. Instead the Bible tells us that there is a curse on humanity. The curse of sin and death entered the world through Adam and, just like kids inheriting a genetic disease, all of Adam's descendants are born with this curse. So the things I do wrong are not what make me bad - they are just a result of the curse, symptoms of my disease.  We keep telling people to treat the symptoms instead of telling them about the root problem - the curse!

Once we understand how huge the problem is then the solution becomes clearer.  If the problem is that the whole of mankind is cursed then it's clear that we can't fix it - we need outside help from someone greater than us.  Someone needs to break the curse.  That's where Jesus comes in.....

So, in summary:

1) Let's stop misrepresenting God and making Him sound like some petty dictator who sends people to hell over minute details!

2) Let's start talking to people about the true problem - the curse. I'm sure few people would disagree that we live in a crazy messed up world so hearing we are under a curse will probably make a lot of sense!
... And then let's tell them the amazing Good News that there is hope for this world yet, there is a cure to the curse. And it doesn't lie with politicians or recycling or renewable energy. The cure lies with Jesus!

The older the better

In modern culture we often think that newer is better. When it comes to books the implication is that newer books are more relevant and more accurate. However, C. S. Lewis in his introduction to "On the incarnation" written by St. Athanasius strongly disagrees and I have to say I'm with him on this one.

Though there are some good modern Christian books out there, I have to say a large proportion of them are a waste of time - wishy washy shallow fluffy rubbish. C. S. Lewis says we often mistakenly think that old books are for scholars instead of the rest of us and that it would be better to read some new book about an old book instead of reading the book itself. For example, instead of reading Plato directly, Lewis says that we:

"would rather read some book that is ten times as long all about 'isms' and influences and only once in every twelve pages telling him what Plato actually said."

Thanks to some great teachers at my church I have recently been introduced to the writings of early church fathers such as Augustine, Athanasius and Eusebius and can I just say they are amazing! One of the things I love about these guys it that when it comes to interpreting the Bible they didn't have a plethora of concordances to turn to or books on culture or years of theories and opinions to guide them. Instead they use purely Scripture to interpret Scripture - surely a much better way to go. The result is some really amazing teaching that makes me fall more in love with the Bible (and therefore more in love with Jesus) every time I read.

For example check out this little sermon snippet from Theodore the Studite in the 9th century:"How precious the gift of the cross, how splendid to contemplate! In the cross there is no mingling of good and evil, as in the tree of paradise: it is wholly beautiful to behold and good to taste. The fruit of this tree is not death but life, not darkness but light. This tree does not cast us out of paradise, but opens the way for our return.

This was the tree on which Christ, like a king on a chariot, destroyed the devil, the lord of death, and freed the human race from his tyranny. This was the tree upon which the Lord like a brave warrior wounded in hands, feet and side, healed the wounds of sin that the evil serpent had inflicted on our nature. A tree once caused our death, but now a tree brings life. Once deceived by a tree, we have now repelled the cunning serpent by a tree. What an astonishing transformation! That death should become life, that decay should become immortality, that shame should become glory! Well might the holy Apostle exclaim: Far be it from me to glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! The supreme wisdom that flowered on the cross has shown the folly of worldly wisdom's pride. The knowledge of all good, which is the fruit of the cross, has cut away the shoots of wickedness.

The wonders accomplished through this tree were foreshadowed clearly even by the mere types and figures that existed in the past. Meditate on these, if you are eager to learn. Was it not the wood of a tree that enabled Noah, at God's command, to escape the destruction of the flood together with his sons, his wife, his sons' wives and every kind of animal? And surely the rod of Moses prefigured the cross when it changed water into blood, swallowed up the false serpents of Pharaoh's magicians, divided the sea at one stroke and then restored the waters to their normal course, drowning the enemy and saving God's own people? Aaron's rod, which blossomed in one day in proof of his true priesthood, was another figure of the cross, and did not Abraham foreshadow the cross when he bound his son Isaac and placed him on the pile of wood?

By the cross death was slain and Adam was restored to life. The cross is the glory of all the apostles, the crown of the martyrs, the sanctification of the saints. By the cross we put on Christ and cast aside our former self. By the cross we, the sheep of Christ, have been gathered into one flock, destined for the sheepfold of heaven."

See how beautifully he draws together many threads of Scripture? Love it. For a few more snippets from a variety of writers check out:

http://www.rc.net/wcc/cross.htm

Happy reading

Not so bad Friday

Just saw this on a friends Facebook page and it made me smile. It also got me thinking. We have our own basic ideas about what is good and what is bad in life:
poverty=bad, plenty=good
pleasure=good, pain=bad

But as the Bible says, God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are different than ours. Not all painful things are bad. For example, child birth - plenty of pain involved but what an amazing result! Just as the pain of child birth results in a new life, so the pain Jesus went through on the cross results in new life for us.

Check out this quote from St Augustine:

‎"The death of the Lord our God should not be a cause of shame for us; rather, it should be our greatest hope, our greatest glory. In taking upon himself the death that he found in us, he has most faithfully promised to give us life in him, such as we cannot have of ourselves."

Happy Easter

Not just a fatty!

Why do so many shops have their maternity section upstairs? Do they not understand that the reason I'm getting fatter isn't cos I need more exercise - it's because I'm carrying another person with me wherever I go. Walking around town shopping is tiring enough as it is - don't make me climb stairs too!!!

In me?

So there's this little person inside me just hanging out, not doing anything for itself. It takes its nutrients from me, relies on me to remove its waste, steals my oxygen and uses up my energy.

It got me thinking about a phrase the Bible uses to describe those of us who have put our trust in Jesus. We are described as being 'In Christ'. I can't help thinking that being In Christ is supposed to be a bit like my baby. The Bible clearly teaches us to rely on God's grace instead of self effort. We should look to Christ to nourish us, supply all our needs and to remove our bad stuff too. I think particularly in our Western culture of self sufficiency we find this difficult.

Just relax and enjoy being 'In Christ' and embrace the rest that God wants to give you.

Pregnant with expectation

So apparently I'm pregnant! It's so weird. I mean I have had plenty of symptoms but it still doesn't feel quite real. After having my first scan and seeing it really is a baby and not just gas, I know for sure now that it really is a certainty that I'm gonna give birth one day. And yet it still feels so distant and surreal.

That got me thinking about Jesus' promise to return. I don't doubt all the Bible tells us about the second coming and yet I don't live with a sense of expectancy - it seems so distant. I used to feel bad about that and feel like I should have a stronger feeling of certainty. But I'm now reminded how unreliable feelings are.

Though I know this baby is coming one day, I do not have strong feelings of certainty - only faith in what I have been told and the signs I have seen.

In the same way, I don't have strong feelings of expectation about Jesus second coming and yet I know that I can have faith that one day Jesus will stand on the earth again, and when He does he will put the world right once and for all, just as the Bible promises us.

Surrounded by your glory..what will my heart feel?

I had a great phone conversation last night catching up with the lovely Gaby Barrera. I love talking to her cos she's one of those people who asks me the questions that matter - like "what are you learning?" and "how has your marriage grown in the last year?" and "how has your relationship with God grown since you got married?"

After our conversation I sat and thought more over her questions and begun to realise that honestly my relationship with God is not as healthy as it should be. It's easy to make excuses as to why I struggle to find time to get alone with God but if I wanted it that bad I would make the time.

I then got to thinking about the fact that really the most important relationship in life is our relationship with Jesus because it's the one relationship that will out last all others. One day I will meet Jesus face to face. What will that be like? That will depend a lot on what my relationship with Jesus is like in this life. Would it be like one of those awkward times when you bump into an old friend you haven't seen for a while? Or would it be like being reunited with your best friend? Or would it be like meeting someone for the first time after hearing a lot about them from others? Or maybe for some people it wouldn't be a big deal at all cos they spend so much time hanging out with Jesus in this life that it would just seem like normal.

How about you? If you met Jesus face to face right now how would you feel?

And how much time are you investing in growing your relationship with Jesus? Think about how a young couple prepare to spend the rest of their lives together. They spend time hanging out together, talking together, on the phone to each other loads, spending loads of time together - all to get to know each other better and lay a good foundation for the relationship that will last the rest of their lives. How much more effort should we put into growing our relationship with Jesus ready for when we get to spend the rest of Eternity with Him in Heaven?!!

So, are you spending time with Jesus? Are you reading stuff that helps you to know Jesus more? Are you spending time with people that help you grow closer to Jesus? What have you done today to grow your relationship with Him?

“If I hurt you, it's not what I wanted” - troy

The saying goes 'Love hurts'. I'm starting to realise how true that is. With love comes pain. It's just how it goes. As soon as I open myself up to care about a friend, relative, partner, whoever, I am opening myself up to pain and disappointment. It may just be a small thing like the disappointment of someone not being there for your show or a friend not calling when they said they would. Or maybe you’ve been unfortunate enough to experience the deeper hurt of betrayal by a friend, a parent leaving you, a partner cheating on you.

I recently experienced a couple of painful incidents - thankfully none of those major ones but it still hurt none the less. One incident was painful because someone upset me. And the other was painful because I upset someone else without meaning to and felt awful that I had caused them pain. At first the pain made me want to withdraw. I figured the easiest way to deal with it would be to just cut that person out of my life so they can't hurt me and I won't ever have to feel the pain of knowing I've upset them again.

But as I was ranting to God about my feelings and telling Him my master plan of how I would avoid future heartache, He made me realise something.The only way to avoid being hurt by people is to avoid people! All people! Everyone. If I cut myself off from every person who ever hurt me or let me down soon there would be no-one left in my life!! We are all imperfect. We try our best to love each other but we get it wrong. The Bible says ‘God is love – who ever lives in love lives in God and God lives in him’. The flip side of that is that when we are disconnected from God, we are disconnected from love – we love in a less than perfect way. And so we hurt each other without meaning to.

To those of you who are close to me, who dare to love me, here are 2 things that are certain in this life that I want to warn you of....
1) You will hurt me
2) I will hurt you

I suck at loving. If effort counted I’d score pretty good but somehow, no matter how hard I try, I get it wrong. I appear to have been born with my foot in my mouth and I appear to have transmission problems when it comes to love. What do I mean when I say that? I mean that when I try to transmit love through my words or actions, somehow it often seems to be received much differently than I intended it. Often what I meant as a blessing is received as a curse!! Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like the world would be a safer place for others if you had the words ‘I will hurt you’ tattooed on your forehead? Because then people would have different expectations of you. Then they wouldn’t be so surprised when you forget to call or say something stupid and so maybe it wouldn’t hurt them (or at least hurt less). Perhaps then they wouldn’t expect you to just know how to love them right and never make mistakes.

Why do we have such high expectations of each other? I mean, we’re all different. Love isn’t a one size fits all kinda thing. We each require our own special brand of love – some like hugs, some don’t, some need loving words, others need gifts and others couldn’t care less about that stuff as long as you give them your time. For some reason we expect each other to be mind readers and to just know that we need a hug right now or will get offended if you don’t text back. And then we get hurt when it turns out that our friend or partner or parent doesn’t fulfil our unspoken needs!!! It’s utter madness.

Anyway, I digress, back to my poor ability to communicate the love I feel. I do love you but I don’t know how best to show that I love you. And so I make my best guess and often guess wrong. Or sometimes I do know how to show you love but I still manage to make a mess of it anyway. Either way, at times my words or actions cause you to think I don’t care when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. And then you feel pain and for that I’m very sorry.

Please help me to be better at loving you. I’m trying to master the art of telepathy but until I’ve got it down would you please tell me how you need to be loved. What do I need to do or not do, say or not say? And please have patience with me while I’m learning. I’m never gonna get it totally right but I promise to keep trying.

Enough about me...let’s talk about you...

You will hurt me. No matter how hard you try not to, it’s still gonna happen. One day you’ll make a flippant remark, or forget to call, or get drunk and make the biggest mistake of your life. And you won’t mean to hurt me – cos you love me and you’d never ever thinkingly cause me pain. But still, despite your best efforts, it’ll happen. Even if you stay away from me to try to avoid hurting me, you’ll still hurt me cos I’ll feel the pain of your absence and the hole you leave in my life by not being there. You will hurt me!!!

But I’m learning to be ok with that. I accept that it’s gonna happen some times. Not that I’m giving you permission to just hurt me willy nilly you understand!! But good friendships are worth fighting for right? Keeping my friendship with you is more important than preserving myself from ever feeling pain. And besides – God is able to heal even the deepest pain or the most broken of hearts. There is nothing you can do to me that He can’t put right. You can’t protect me from ever feeling pain – much as you want to. Instead, I ask that you’ll keep trying your best to love me and that you’ll trust God to look after me when it goes a little bit wrong.

Perhaps it’s not just me you’re trying to protect from pain. Perhaps you’re also trying to protect yourself from pain – the pain of knowing that your words or actions are the source of my tears. The pain of feeling helpless to be able to fix it. And the pain and guilt of the memory of the other tears you have caused in other lives in years gone by.

Just a small digression on the subject of pain....I’m learning that pain isn’t always a bad thing. I shouldn’t fear it or run from it. Pain isn’t nice but at least it makes me feel alive. And pain gets my attention. It often causes me to sit up and take note and rethink how I’m doing things. It helps to show me where I’m going wrong. Pain also makes me appreciate the good times all the more – it brings contrast. And the most beautiful thing about pain is the way it drives me closer to God and to the people around me. You can be sure that whenever I start to think I’ve got things all sorted and I don’t need anyone else that will be the time pain will come into my life. And I’ll cry out to God or fall into a friends arms sobbing uncontrollably (or both) and we’ll share precious, intimate moments together that we never would have done if it wasn’t for the pain. I wouldn’t miss those moments for anything!!!

And a word about love.....Love isn’t just a mushy feeling that comes and goes. Real love is an action and a choice. When I feel hurt I can choose to run away or I can choose to keep loving you despite the pain. God still acts with love towards me no matter what I do or how much I hurt Him or try to run away. He loves you like that too. And I want to learn to act with love towards you just like He acts with love towards you. So, I may feel hurt or angry towards you sometimes. I may really dislike you some days. But I will always still love you until the day I die....maybe even longer.

In order to keep loving, grace and forgiveness are required. If I can’t show you grace when you’re grumpy or forgive you when I’m hurting then there’s no hope for us. Grace and forgiveness make the world work. Without it we’ll be living in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Wait....we do live in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Looks like we need to learn to show more grace, need to learn the art of forgiving.

So, I’ll do you a deal. I’ll show you grace and forgive you when you hurt me. But please will you show me grace when I mess up too? Will you keep forgiving me for the sake of our friendship? Please don’t give up on us. I really hope that you think our friendship is worth fighting for.

I love you

I wanna walk like you.....

Just read this Bible verse that hit me smack between the eyes. Check out 1 John 2:6...

"Whoever claims to live in Him (God) must walk as Jesus did".

Woah!!! What a challenging statement!?! Take some time to think about it and really digest it.

Here's a few things to consider as you do...
1) Do you claim to live in God? Do people know you are a follower of Jesus or do you keep it quiet?
2) The verse says that those who claim to live in God MUST walk as Jesus did - it's not just a suggestion, it's a necessity!
3) What does it look like to walk like Jesus? Take some time to read the gospels and see for yourself. How did Jesus treat people? Who did he spend his time with? What was his relationship with God like?
4) One of the main things that stands out about Jesus is the miracles he did. If someone was sick he didn't just wish them well - he healed them!! He raised the dead, turned water into wine, calmed storms and walked on water!!! The thing that challenges me most about this verse is that I don't see many signs and wonders like that in my life. Why? Because, unlike Jesus, I fail to put to use the power and authority that has been given to me by God's Holy Spirit. If I am to properly walk as Jesus walked then I need to make some changes.

What about you?