What it feels like for a girl - reprise

The other day a friend of mine, assuming that as a mama I would be carrying the contents of a small chemist, asked me if I had any ibuprofen. He was somewhat shocked when I said I only carry paracetamol as its the only thing you can have during pregnancy. His response was "wow, I'm glad I'm not you - pregnancy sucks."

It dawned on me then how little clue most men (and a lot of women) have about what us women are put through during pregnancy so, guys, here's a few insights....

It starts with what is ironically called 'morning sickness' but should be called morning, noon and night sickness as it starts in the morning and gets worse through the day. Favourite foods taste funny or just plain make you sick and sometimes just the smell of something is all it takes to have you rushing for the bathroom. Imagine a three month long stomach bug that doesn't respond to medication and that is morning sickness.

The surge of hormones at various points during pregnancy gives you headaches but all you can take for it is paracetamol. Your immune system is suppressed so you end up with every illness going round and your body decides to over produce mucus so it feels like you have a permanent cold but you can't take any cold and flu pills - only paracetamol. As well as all this you feel so tired all the time all you want to do is sleep.

Once the first trimester is over things get better for a while and you start to feel human again. Nesting instinct kicks in and you feel a strong urge to move furniture, clear the house out and tidy every little thing.

But then the third trimester comes along and with it all the trappings of being the size of a house. Your hips hurt and you regularly get trapped nerves thanks to a small child sitting on them. Every time you stand up you feel the need to pee thanks to the little person sat on your bladder. You haven't seen your feet in weeks but now you can't reach them either so forget things like painting your toe nails or putting your own socks on.

Now when you sneeze you get head butted in the pubic bone by a little person. Trying to sleep at night is challenging as it's near impossible to get comfortable and once you do finally get to sleep you have to get up 4 or 5 times a night to pee. Trying to roll over or get up is like a full on military operation and you have to be careful not to get up too fast or you get all dizzy and light headed.

Sex also becomes incredibly challenging and not just because of the logistics relating to your ever growing size. From the guys point of view nothing much has changed and it still feels the same. But once you can feel the baby moving inside of you, sex feels like a very bizarre threesome as the baby responds to your partners touch and movements. Even when hubby gives me a back rub I find junior kicking in response.

Oh, and in the last couple of months you find that orgasms often set off painful contractions meaning that instead of having a happy ending sex results in you curled up in agony for 10 mins clutching your spasming belly. So guys, if your preggo mrs doesn't seem too keen on sex don't take it personally!

On top of all this you have many other fun symptoms like gas, indigestion, constipation, puffy ankles, bad skin, crazy things going on with your hair...

The saying goes "pregnancy is not an illness" and it's true but sometimes I wish it was so maybe I'd get a little sympathy! Instead you're just expected to get on with it and not complain and some people even have the cheek to make comments about how wonderful this beautiful natural state must be.

Having said all that, there is still much to be thankful for among all these challenges. Though it sucks to feel so ill for so long, at least I know it will come to an end and I even know roughly when. Plus there's a happy ending when the baby arrives.

How much worse must it be to have a long term illness and live every day not knowing if or when the symptoms will end or get worse or what might go wrong next.

And so when I'm having a rough day and wishing pregnancy would end, I take time to thank God that the end is in sight and to pray for those who's suffering is way worse than mine.

A new take on the 10 commandments?

I always used to think of the 10 commandments as a bunch of rules - a list of "do not"s. But a friend pointed out the other day that when the Bible says "thou shalt not...." it is not saying "you shouldn't" or "don't" but simply "you will not".

What difference does that make? Well a pretty huge difference actually. It turns the 10 commandments from a list of rules to a description of how God designed the world to be and how God promises it will be one day in the future. If you read the 10 commandments in that light it soon becomes clear that our world is not as God intends for it to be - it is broken and needs fixing!

I've often heard people talk about the 10 commandments in relation to personal sin - i.e I broke one of the rules therefore I must do something to fix it or else I will go to hell. If you read the rest of the Bible you will soon see that's not what it's about at all. The problem is so much bigger than just you or I. The problem is the whole world is broken and no amount of good deeds or "hail marys" from you or I can fix it. We need a rescuer!

The Bible is the story of that rescue plan. Right from the start it shows us clues about the rescuer who is coming (Jesus - in case you hadn't guessed) and it gives us a message of hope about how life will be once the rescue plan is complete. Right now we're still part way through the rescue plan. Jesus has completed step 1 (come to earth as a man, die a brutal death, come back to life after defeating death and show the world a glimpse of what new life will look like) and he's getting everything ready for the final phase (see John 14:1-3).

I don't know about you but I find watching the news pretty depressing as I hear about all the insane and evil things that people do to each other. How great it is to know that this isn't how the world is supposed to be!? The Bible tells us that God has a plan to fix it all. One day Jesus will return to create a new heaven and a new earth (see 2 Peter 3:13) and the 10 commandments tell us how things will be in that new creation - no more death, no more jealousy, no more stealing, no more cheating, no more lying (see Revelation 21:3-5). I can't wait to live in a world like that. How about you? How do we get to be included in this new creation? Simple - the new creation will be full of all those people who have become friends of Jesus and put their trust in Him.

Are you cursed?

Had a really great time last weekend hanging out with our student group and digging in to the Bible together.  We covered a lot of ground but I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you all.  One thing that really stuck me was how narrow minded we can be in our interpretation of the Bible and also in our presentation of the gospel.  The gospel I most hear preached in todays Western culture is kinda a repackaged version of karma based on a heresy made popular by Pelagius in around the 4th century (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pelagianism for more details). The way I have most often heard it is something like this....

Have you ever read the 10 commandments? Have you kept all the commandments? No.....you stole a pen once? Well you're a sinner. And because you're a sinner you're going to hell unless something can be done to make up for the bad things you have done. But don't worry cos Jesus offered to take the punishment for you - God the Father killed his Son Jesus to pay the price for what you did wrong. Isn't that great?

Ever heard that before?

There's a few problems I have with this telling of the Gospel...
1) Do we really think that the God of the Bible is so petty he's gonna send someone to hell for stealing a pen?
2) Is Jesus death on a cross really a proportional punishment for my crime of pen stealing?
3) If the problem is my doing a few things wrong then surely the solution lies with me too? Surely I can just do a few good things to even it out and then that's the problem solved? What do I need Jesus for?!

So what is the true message of the gospel? First we need to properly present the problem. 

"So, in the same way that sin entered the world through one person, and death came through sin, so death spread to all human beings with the result that all sinned." (Romans 5:12)

"Since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead came through one too. In the same way that everyone dies in Adam, so also everyone will be given life in Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:21-22)

The problem is not my 'sinful' actions. According to the Bible it is not my actions that make me a sinner. Instead the Bible tells us that there is a curse on humanity. The curse of sin and death entered the world through Adam and, just like kids inheriting a genetic disease, all of Adam's descendants are born with this curse. So the things I do wrong are not what make me bad - they are just a result of the curse, symptoms of my disease.  We keep telling people to treat the symptoms instead of telling them about the root problem - the curse!

Once we understand how huge the problem is then the solution becomes clearer.  If the problem is that the whole of mankind is cursed then it's clear that we can't fix it - we need outside help from someone greater than us.  Someone needs to break the curse.  That's where Jesus comes in.....

So, in summary:

1) Let's stop misrepresenting God and making Him sound like some petty dictator who sends people to hell over minute details!

2) Let's start talking to people about the true problem - the curse. I'm sure few people would disagree that we live in a crazy messed up world so hearing we are under a curse will probably make a lot of sense!
... And then let's tell them the amazing Good News that there is hope for this world yet, there is a cure to the curse. And it doesn't lie with politicians or recycling or renewable energy. The cure lies with Jesus!

Not so bad Friday

Just saw this on a friends Facebook page and it made me smile. It also got me thinking. We have our own basic ideas about what is good and what is bad in life:
poverty=bad, plenty=good
pleasure=good, pain=bad

But as the Bible says, God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are different than ours. Not all painful things are bad. For example, child birth - plenty of pain involved but what an amazing result! Just as the pain of child birth results in a new life, so the pain Jesus went through on the cross results in new life for us.

Check out this quote from St Augustine:

‎"The death of the Lord our God should not be a cause of shame for us; rather, it should be our greatest hope, our greatest glory. In taking upon himself the death that he found in us, he has most faithfully promised to give us life in him, such as we cannot have of ourselves."

Happy Easter

“If I hurt you, it's not what I wanted” - troy

The saying goes 'Love hurts'. I'm starting to realise how true that is. With love comes pain. It's just how it goes. As soon as I open myself up to care about a friend, relative, partner, whoever, I am opening myself up to pain and disappointment. It may just be a small thing like the disappointment of someone not being there for your show or a friend not calling when they said they would. Or maybe you’ve been unfortunate enough to experience the deeper hurt of betrayal by a friend, a parent leaving you, a partner cheating on you.

I recently experienced a couple of painful incidents - thankfully none of those major ones but it still hurt none the less. One incident was painful because someone upset me. And the other was painful because I upset someone else without meaning to and felt awful that I had caused them pain. At first the pain made me want to withdraw. I figured the easiest way to deal with it would be to just cut that person out of my life so they can't hurt me and I won't ever have to feel the pain of knowing I've upset them again.

But as I was ranting to God about my feelings and telling Him my master plan of how I would avoid future heartache, He made me realise something.The only way to avoid being hurt by people is to avoid people! All people! Everyone. If I cut myself off from every person who ever hurt me or let me down soon there would be no-one left in my life!! We are all imperfect. We try our best to love each other but we get it wrong. The Bible says ‘God is love – who ever lives in love lives in God and God lives in him’. The flip side of that is that when we are disconnected from God, we are disconnected from love – we love in a less than perfect way. And so we hurt each other without meaning to.

To those of you who are close to me, who dare to love me, here are 2 things that are certain in this life that I want to warn you of....
1) You will hurt me
2) I will hurt you

I suck at loving. If effort counted I’d score pretty good but somehow, no matter how hard I try, I get it wrong. I appear to have been born with my foot in my mouth and I appear to have transmission problems when it comes to love. What do I mean when I say that? I mean that when I try to transmit love through my words or actions, somehow it often seems to be received much differently than I intended it. Often what I meant as a blessing is received as a curse!! Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like the world would be a safer place for others if you had the words ‘I will hurt you’ tattooed on your forehead? Because then people would have different expectations of you. Then they wouldn’t be so surprised when you forget to call or say something stupid and so maybe it wouldn’t hurt them (or at least hurt less). Perhaps then they wouldn’t expect you to just know how to love them right and never make mistakes.

Why do we have such high expectations of each other? I mean, we’re all different. Love isn’t a one size fits all kinda thing. We each require our own special brand of love – some like hugs, some don’t, some need loving words, others need gifts and others couldn’t care less about that stuff as long as you give them your time. For some reason we expect each other to be mind readers and to just know that we need a hug right now or will get offended if you don’t text back. And then we get hurt when it turns out that our friend or partner or parent doesn’t fulfil our unspoken needs!!! It’s utter madness.

Anyway, I digress, back to my poor ability to communicate the love I feel. I do love you but I don’t know how best to show that I love you. And so I make my best guess and often guess wrong. Or sometimes I do know how to show you love but I still manage to make a mess of it anyway. Either way, at times my words or actions cause you to think I don’t care when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. And then you feel pain and for that I’m very sorry.

Please help me to be better at loving you. I’m trying to master the art of telepathy but until I’ve got it down would you please tell me how you need to be loved. What do I need to do or not do, say or not say? And please have patience with me while I’m learning. I’m never gonna get it totally right but I promise to keep trying.

Enough about me...let’s talk about you...

You will hurt me. No matter how hard you try not to, it’s still gonna happen. One day you’ll make a flippant remark, or forget to call, or get drunk and make the biggest mistake of your life. And you won’t mean to hurt me – cos you love me and you’d never ever thinkingly cause me pain. But still, despite your best efforts, it’ll happen. Even if you stay away from me to try to avoid hurting me, you’ll still hurt me cos I’ll feel the pain of your absence and the hole you leave in my life by not being there. You will hurt me!!!

But I’m learning to be ok with that. I accept that it’s gonna happen some times. Not that I’m giving you permission to just hurt me willy nilly you understand!! But good friendships are worth fighting for right? Keeping my friendship with you is more important than preserving myself from ever feeling pain. And besides – God is able to heal even the deepest pain or the most broken of hearts. There is nothing you can do to me that He can’t put right. You can’t protect me from ever feeling pain – much as you want to. Instead, I ask that you’ll keep trying your best to love me and that you’ll trust God to look after me when it goes a little bit wrong.

Perhaps it’s not just me you’re trying to protect from pain. Perhaps you’re also trying to protect yourself from pain – the pain of knowing that your words or actions are the source of my tears. The pain of feeling helpless to be able to fix it. And the pain and guilt of the memory of the other tears you have caused in other lives in years gone by.

Just a small digression on the subject of pain....I’m learning that pain isn’t always a bad thing. I shouldn’t fear it or run from it. Pain isn’t nice but at least it makes me feel alive. And pain gets my attention. It often causes me to sit up and take note and rethink how I’m doing things. It helps to show me where I’m going wrong. Pain also makes me appreciate the good times all the more – it brings contrast. And the most beautiful thing about pain is the way it drives me closer to God and to the people around me. You can be sure that whenever I start to think I’ve got things all sorted and I don’t need anyone else that will be the time pain will come into my life. And I’ll cry out to God or fall into a friends arms sobbing uncontrollably (or both) and we’ll share precious, intimate moments together that we never would have done if it wasn’t for the pain. I wouldn’t miss those moments for anything!!!

And a word about love.....Love isn’t just a mushy feeling that comes and goes. Real love is an action and a choice. When I feel hurt I can choose to run away or I can choose to keep loving you despite the pain. God still acts with love towards me no matter what I do or how much I hurt Him or try to run away. He loves you like that too. And I want to learn to act with love towards you just like He acts with love towards you. So, I may feel hurt or angry towards you sometimes. I may really dislike you some days. But I will always still love you until the day I die....maybe even longer.

In order to keep loving, grace and forgiveness are required. If I can’t show you grace when you’re grumpy or forgive you when I’m hurting then there’s no hope for us. Grace and forgiveness make the world work. Without it we’ll be living in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Wait....we do live in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Looks like we need to learn to show more grace, need to learn the art of forgiving.

So, I’ll do you a deal. I’ll show you grace and forgive you when you hurt me. But please will you show me grace when I mess up too? Will you keep forgiving me for the sake of our friendship? Please don’t give up on us. I really hope that you think our friendship is worth fighting for.

I love you

Crazy world we live in

I've been following a lot of the coverage of hurricane Gustav. How crazy must it be to suddenly be told that you have 4 hours to leave your house? How would I feel about leaving my house not knowing where I was going or how long for? How would I feel about knowing my house would most likely not be there anymore on my return? How would I respond?

Reading through the accounts so far I've been amazed by some people who've decided to stay to protect their house and belongings - are they mental?!! Have they completely lost all perspective on what matters? What do they think they'll be able to do? Stand in front of the storm and tell it to back away from their house and go somewhere else?!! And would you risk your life to protect your TV from possible looters? How foolish we are sometimes!!

But I have to ask myself, am I guilty of losing perspective at times? Do I cling too tightly to the things of this life and forget what really matters?

What about you?