“If I hurt you, it's not what I wanted” - troy

The saying goes 'Love hurts'. I'm starting to realise how true that is. With love comes pain. It's just how it goes. As soon as I open myself up to care about a friend, relative, partner, whoever, I am opening myself up to pain and disappointment. It may just be a small thing like the disappointment of someone not being there for your show or a friend not calling when they said they would. Or maybe you’ve been unfortunate enough to experience the deeper hurt of betrayal by a friend, a parent leaving you, a partner cheating on you.

I recently experienced a couple of painful incidents - thankfully none of those major ones but it still hurt none the less. One incident was painful because someone upset me. And the other was painful because I upset someone else without meaning to and felt awful that I had caused them pain. At first the pain made me want to withdraw. I figured the easiest way to deal with it would be to just cut that person out of my life so they can't hurt me and I won't ever have to feel the pain of knowing I've upset them again.

But as I was ranting to God about my feelings and telling Him my master plan of how I would avoid future heartache, He made me realise something.The only way to avoid being hurt by people is to avoid people! All people! Everyone. If I cut myself off from every person who ever hurt me or let me down soon there would be no-one left in my life!! We are all imperfect. We try our best to love each other but we get it wrong. The Bible says ‘God is love – who ever lives in love lives in God and God lives in him’. The flip side of that is that when we are disconnected from God, we are disconnected from love – we love in a less than perfect way. And so we hurt each other without meaning to.

To those of you who are close to me, who dare to love me, here are 2 things that are certain in this life that I want to warn you of....
1) You will hurt me
2) I will hurt you

I suck at loving. If effort counted I’d score pretty good but somehow, no matter how hard I try, I get it wrong. I appear to have been born with my foot in my mouth and I appear to have transmission problems when it comes to love. What do I mean when I say that? I mean that when I try to transmit love through my words or actions, somehow it often seems to be received much differently than I intended it. Often what I meant as a blessing is received as a curse!! Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like the world would be a safer place for others if you had the words ‘I will hurt you’ tattooed on your forehead? Because then people would have different expectations of you. Then they wouldn’t be so surprised when you forget to call or say something stupid and so maybe it wouldn’t hurt them (or at least hurt less). Perhaps then they wouldn’t expect you to just know how to love them right and never make mistakes.

Why do we have such high expectations of each other? I mean, we’re all different. Love isn’t a one size fits all kinda thing. We each require our own special brand of love – some like hugs, some don’t, some need loving words, others need gifts and others couldn’t care less about that stuff as long as you give them your time. For some reason we expect each other to be mind readers and to just know that we need a hug right now or will get offended if you don’t text back. And then we get hurt when it turns out that our friend or partner or parent doesn’t fulfil our unspoken needs!!! It’s utter madness.

Anyway, I digress, back to my poor ability to communicate the love I feel. I do love you but I don’t know how best to show that I love you. And so I make my best guess and often guess wrong. Or sometimes I do know how to show you love but I still manage to make a mess of it anyway. Either way, at times my words or actions cause you to think I don’t care when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. And then you feel pain and for that I’m very sorry.

Please help me to be better at loving you. I’m trying to master the art of telepathy but until I’ve got it down would you please tell me how you need to be loved. What do I need to do or not do, say or not say? And please have patience with me while I’m learning. I’m never gonna get it totally right but I promise to keep trying.

Enough about me...let’s talk about you...

You will hurt me. No matter how hard you try not to, it’s still gonna happen. One day you’ll make a flippant remark, or forget to call, or get drunk and make the biggest mistake of your life. And you won’t mean to hurt me – cos you love me and you’d never ever thinkingly cause me pain. But still, despite your best efforts, it’ll happen. Even if you stay away from me to try to avoid hurting me, you’ll still hurt me cos I’ll feel the pain of your absence and the hole you leave in my life by not being there. You will hurt me!!!

But I’m learning to be ok with that. I accept that it’s gonna happen some times. Not that I’m giving you permission to just hurt me willy nilly you understand!! But good friendships are worth fighting for right? Keeping my friendship with you is more important than preserving myself from ever feeling pain. And besides – God is able to heal even the deepest pain or the most broken of hearts. There is nothing you can do to me that He can’t put right. You can’t protect me from ever feeling pain – much as you want to. Instead, I ask that you’ll keep trying your best to love me and that you’ll trust God to look after me when it goes a little bit wrong.

Perhaps it’s not just me you’re trying to protect from pain. Perhaps you’re also trying to protect yourself from pain – the pain of knowing that your words or actions are the source of my tears. The pain of feeling helpless to be able to fix it. And the pain and guilt of the memory of the other tears you have caused in other lives in years gone by.

Just a small digression on the subject of pain....I’m learning that pain isn’t always a bad thing. I shouldn’t fear it or run from it. Pain isn’t nice but at least it makes me feel alive. And pain gets my attention. It often causes me to sit up and take note and rethink how I’m doing things. It helps to show me where I’m going wrong. Pain also makes me appreciate the good times all the more – it brings contrast. And the most beautiful thing about pain is the way it drives me closer to God and to the people around me. You can be sure that whenever I start to think I’ve got things all sorted and I don’t need anyone else that will be the time pain will come into my life. And I’ll cry out to God or fall into a friends arms sobbing uncontrollably (or both) and we’ll share precious, intimate moments together that we never would have done if it wasn’t for the pain. I wouldn’t miss those moments for anything!!!

And a word about love.....Love isn’t just a mushy feeling that comes and goes. Real love is an action and a choice. When I feel hurt I can choose to run away or I can choose to keep loving you despite the pain. God still acts with love towards me no matter what I do or how much I hurt Him or try to run away. He loves you like that too. And I want to learn to act with love towards you just like He acts with love towards you. So, I may feel hurt or angry towards you sometimes. I may really dislike you some days. But I will always still love you until the day I die....maybe even longer.

In order to keep loving, grace and forgiveness are required. If I can’t show you grace when you’re grumpy or forgive you when I’m hurting then there’s no hope for us. Grace and forgiveness make the world work. Without it we’ll be living in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Wait....we do live in a world full of broken relationships and broken people. Looks like we need to learn to show more grace, need to learn the art of forgiving.

So, I’ll do you a deal. I’ll show you grace and forgive you when you hurt me. But please will you show me grace when I mess up too? Will you keep forgiving me for the sake of our friendship? Please don’t give up on us. I really hope that you think our friendship is worth fighting for.

I love you

I wanna walk like you.....

Just read this Bible verse that hit me smack between the eyes. Check out 1 John 2:6...

"Whoever claims to live in Him (God) must walk as Jesus did".

Woah!!! What a challenging statement!?! Take some time to think about it and really digest it.

Here's a few things to consider as you do...
1) Do you claim to live in God? Do people know you are a follower of Jesus or do you keep it quiet?
2) The verse says that those who claim to live in God MUST walk as Jesus did - it's not just a suggestion, it's a necessity!
3) What does it look like to walk like Jesus? Take some time to read the gospels and see for yourself. How did Jesus treat people? Who did he spend his time with? What was his relationship with God like?
4) One of the main things that stands out about Jesus is the miracles he did. If someone was sick he didn't just wish them well - he healed them!! He raised the dead, turned water into wine, calmed storms and walked on water!!! The thing that challenges me most about this verse is that I don't see many signs and wonders like that in my life. Why? Because, unlike Jesus, I fail to put to use the power and authority that has been given to me by God's Holy Spirit. If I am to properly walk as Jesus walked then I need to make some changes.

What about you?

What's on the telly box?

Argh!!! TV is starting to bug me. It's just full of such rubbish. It's mostly visual junk food seasoned with a generous helping of adverts trying to convince us who to be, how to look, what to buy. Where is the quality creative programming designed to feed our hearts and minds and souls?!!!

A choice to be made

I think there is a lot to be learnt by watching small children. I sometimes think they are my greatest teachers haha.

Imagine this with me for a moment...

...a small child is trying to tie his shoe laces by himself despite the fact he is way too young to be able to manage this feat. His father sees him struggling, sees his frustration and moves towards him to help. But the stubborn little boy grunts and grimaces in his Father's direction. 'no daddy'...'me do it'... the little boy insists.

And so the Father backs off. He respects his son's wishes and leaves him to it - but is still watching from nearby. He's ready to help just as soon as his son asks but not a moment before.

Finally the boy admits defeat. With a grumpy look on his face he cries 'dad'. And in less than a moment his father is there. He scoops his boy into his arms and swings him round. He tells his son how proud he is of his efforts. And then he gently sets him down and says 'let's do it together'. And so that's what they do. Of course the father does most of the work but somehow makes the boy feel like it was mostly his work. In my experience good parents have a real gift for doing that...

It occured to me that I can learn a lot about what it means for God to be our Father by watching how loving parents interact with their kids. I think that God treats us a lot like the Father in this story. He loves us dearly and is always close by and wanting to help. But he respects our desire to do it alone - he's a complete gentleman, doesn't force himself on us.

We all have a choice about how we live. We can live with God or live without him. We can live life our own way according to our own plan. Or we can live life in partnership with God, following his plan and living life with the help of his Holy Spirit (which is given to us as a free gift when we believe and trust in Jesus). God allows us to make that choice for ourselves and he totally repects our decision. Like a loving Father, he doesn't like to see us struggle alone and He's always close by secretly willing us to turn to Him for help. But He never forces his way in to our lives. He always waits to be invited. In the Bible, Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock." Will you let Him in? Or pretend you didn't hear Him?

A friend of mine recently made the decision to invite God into her life. I'm amazed by the difference I see in her. She's still the same fun loving, crazy, creative girl I know and love. But there's something different now - like a whole new part of her has been awakened. Living life with God isn't always easy. In fact often it's harder. But it's a bigger adventure, you feel more alive. Living for yourself is certainly easier but seems so meaningless. Living for God gives you a sense of purpose - you are living for something greater than yourself. And you're no longer doing it alone either. My friend certainly isn't finding life easy at the minute but there's this amazing, inspiring sense of peace and joy that she has and it kinda rubs off on you as you talk to her. It's obvious to see that her new found relationship with God has transformed her (kinda like how being in love can transform a person and bring out the best in them) and she has hope and a sense of security through all her troubles because of it.

So, what will your decision be? Will you let God in or do you still want to go it alone?

Christian Skaters Conference 2008

Just got back from a great weekend in Scotland and thought I'd tell you guys all about it. We set off for Dundee at 9am on Thursday and headed to Bristol to pick up Sarah. After a quick coffee break we were back on the road. The drive to Dumbarton was pretty smooth and uneventful. In Dumbarton we stopped at Unit 23 skatepark for 'skate church'.

Every Thursday evening kids show up for a free skate session and a 15min gospel talk. We went on our way to Dundee last year and I was amazed by what is going on there. The team just share their love for Jesus in a simple and honest way - no multi media presentation, nothing flashy, just simply share their heart. And the kids there really respect that. For more info have a look at http://www.deepercall.co.uk/ Please pray for the owner of Unit 23. He's not a Christian yet but is very supportive of skate church. He's having financial struggles which has led to him having to charge more for church to happen there. This meant that church had to stop for a while and now numbers have dropped from 120 to 20. Please pray that things will pick up again and the team won't get too discouraged.

After our stop in Dumbarton we continued on to Dundee and very welcome nights sleep.
The conference ran from Friday til Sunday. There were about 35 of us from around the UK and even some from USA too. It was great to see old friends from last year and meet some new people too. I love that the conference is so small -it creates a beautiful intimacy and a real sense of family. It was a really good few days of worship, prayer, seminars and of course skating!!! The seminars where on subjects like fundraising, project development, discipling skaters and running successful events and competitions.

On the Saturday night we ran a skate comp at the park and one of the guys gave his testimony at the end. As far as I know no-one made a commitment to follow Jesus that night but we did have a couple of people come and ask questions after. Please pray for the seeds that have been sown there.

On Sunday morning we joined with a local church to hold a church service on the skate park. Was great to be able to worship God together. Sunday lunchtime was the end of the conference and time to begin the looooooong drive home. It was wet and windy and seemed to take forever. And it didn't help when the sat nav took us round and round and all over the place looking for a petrol station!!

We stopped off at Overtoun house on the way home. It's a castle in Dumbarton that a church is converting into games rooms, dorm rooms, bed and breakfast, sheltered housing for women in crisis and so much more. To see more details about this amazing project look at http://www.overtounhouse.com/ Perhaps you or someone you know would be interested in going up there for a week or two to volunteer your skills to help with the renovations?

Well, we finally got home at 2am on Monday morning. I'm still very tired and feel like I have a lot to process.

For more about Christian Skaters UK go to http://www.christianskaters.co.uk/ a little later this week to see the brand new website!!!

Best book in the world

The Bible never ceases to amaze me. I've just been reading Revelation and yet again I've come away excited by what I see God doing. Just felt like I needed to share my excitement with you all.

So.....check out Revelation 22 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=rev%2022&version=51). It's the final chapter, the climax, the conclusion of history. But first, let's go back to Genesis (cos we all know everything starts in Genesis - right Joe?!). Genesis chapter 2 and 3...

First we see man in the garden of Eden and all is well. God walks there and talks with Adam - they have a close relationship. The tree of life is there. There's no disease or death or decay.

Then us humans make a fatal error and as a result get kicked out of Eden. God places angels to guard the garden and the tree of life so we can no longer have access to either. And a curse is placed on all of creation. From then on mankind (and indeed the whole of creation) is subjected to death, disease and a disconnection from God, creation and people.

But it was always God's desire to restore things back to the days of Eden. So, flick forward to Revelation chapter 22 and what do we see? It talks about a new creation that we can be a part of. And what does this new creation include?

v2 the tree of life is there and now we're allowed near it again. In fact, 'the leaves of the trees are used for the healing of the people'.
v3 "no longer will there be a curse on anything" - OH MY WORD!!!! Just spend some time meditating on the full implications of that statement.....
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and then check this out...

v14 "Blessed are those who wash their robes. They will be permitted to enter through the gates of the city and eat the fruit from the tree of life." It's like our banishment is over and now we are allowed to eat the fruit we were never allowed to before!

Doesn't that make you excited? and thankful? and worshipful? Doesn't it make you just wanna fall down and worship just like John did when he heard this from the angel? Doesn't it make you wanna join in with the cry of v20 "Amen, come Lord Jesus"?

Time for a revolution?

Been doing a lot of reading and thinking recently and thought I'd share some of it with you over the next few weeks. I'm gonna start with looking at the topic of 'Babylon'.

In a lot of religions, Babylon is used in a symbolic way. What does it symbolise? Check out http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation%2018;&version=51; and see what you think it symbolises. I would suggest that it's symbolic of western society/materialism/capitalism. Revelation makes for interesting reading in light of the current financial situation don't you think? Could it be that God's had enough of our greed and corruption and 'Babylon' is about to fall?

One line that stood out for me was...
"come away from her, my people. Do not take part in her sins..."

So, how do we do that? How can we seperate ourselves from this crazy money hungry, unjust, materialistic system that the western world seems to be caught up in?

Buy fair trade and local produce?
Grow our own food?
Refuse to be employed by large capitalist companies?

How do we avoid being brainwashed by media and advertising? How do we escape a financial system that seems set up to make the rich richer and the poor poorer? Is there a way we can avoid using money and go back to swapping goods and services?

I hate the money grabbing culture we have and the ethos of companies trying to make the highest profit instead of trying to do the best for their customers! I'm tired of seeing prices go up and quality go down. I love the idea of doing whatever I can to stick two fingers up at companies like Tesco! I'm tired of advertising trying to tell me that I can't live without a certain product or that I have to buy from a certain large store instead of going to local producers.

Ever seen 'A bugs life'? The grasshoppers bully the ants into getting food for them. But at the end the ants begin to realise they have more power than they thought. One of them turns around to the grasshoppers and says "we don't need you - it's you who needs us!!" If only we would realise that it's not us who needs big companies - they need us!!

We live in a culture that's motivated by greed, selfishness and materialism. But God tells us we should be motivated by love for our fellow man.

Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

AMEN!

Crazy world we live in

I've been following a lot of the coverage of hurricane Gustav. How crazy must it be to suddenly be told that you have 4 hours to leave your house? How would I feel about leaving my house not knowing where I was going or how long for? How would I feel about knowing my house would most likely not be there anymore on my return? How would I respond?

Reading through the accounts so far I've been amazed by some people who've decided to stay to protect their house and belongings - are they mental?!! Have they completely lost all perspective on what matters? What do they think they'll be able to do? Stand in front of the storm and tell it to back away from their house and go somewhere else?!! And would you risk your life to protect your TV from possible looters? How foolish we are sometimes!!

But I have to ask myself, am I guilty of losing perspective at times? Do I cling too tightly to the things of this life and forget what really matters?

What about you?

My little roadtrip

I think I've fallen in love with photography. I went for a little roadtrip the other day to do some research and get some time to sit and think and dream. I took a few photos while I was in Lyme Regis. What do you think?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/staceyhollamby/

Dare to dream

I'm in a bit of a weird place right now - just about to leave my job in a week and no idea what comes next!!! I know I'm not the only one in this position right now and I'm finding it interesting seeing how different people deal with it.

At first it's a great feeling to step out of something that's not right any more and have the whole world at your feet. And for a while you dare to dream of all the things you could do. You begin asking 'what do I enjoy? What do I want to be involved in? If I could have any job or achieve anything what would I do?' And for a while it's all very exciting and the future is filled with hope and endless possibilities.

But after a while there comes a crunch point. The pressure of bills to pay begins to cause worry. Friends tell you your dreams are crazy and you should get a 'proper job' or 'it'll never work'. And it's here that you have a vital choice to make:

1) Cave into the pressure and just get any old job. Conform to the pattern of society - trapped in a 9-5 prison just to pay the bills. Abandon your dreams and settled for second best.
or
2) Hold tight to your dreams. Resolve to risk whatever you have to so as to do what you really want. Dare to believe that dreams can come true and refuse to settle for anything less.

In the past few weeks I've had chats with various friends about future plans. Our conversations were full of dreams of travelling, learning new skills, seeing talents used instead of rotting away in some mindless job and bold proclamations that 'money doesn't matter - I just wanna do what I love'.

Sadly, I've had to watch one of my friends cave to the pressure to get a job just to pay the bills. It's so hard to escape the pattern that society has us sucked into. Breaking out and doing something meaningful is so hard and involves sacrifices people often aren't willing to make. And so there's people with talent and potential and big dreams hidden in their heart rotting away in Burger King when they could be out changing the world.

Seeing my friend give up has made me even more determined not to do the same thing. So I've been busily planning, networking, making enquires, pushing doors and daring to be cheeky. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' I'm beginning to see the truth of this. I decided to be really cheeky and ask the head of buildings and development at the council to help us find a building for something I wanna set up. I paused for a while before hitting 'send' on the email, wondering if it's such a good idea or would he think I'm nuts. Only a few minutes later I got a reply saying he loves my idea and will ask round a few people to find a site and see what other help he can give!!

So - dare to dream. Dare to ask cheeky questions. Dare to take risks. And don't let the fear of failure hold you back. I'll end with this quote from the film Elizabethtown...

"You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling."

Craving connections and a bit of a rant

So, there's a few things going round my mind at the minute. A friend of mine text me the other day saying he feels lost and lonely and like he's going round in circles looking for purpose and love but all he gets is pain and disappointment. I bet we can all relate to this to some degree.

 I think the one thing for me that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning is the prospect of having meaningful connections with people. When I get to chat about life, about meaning, about dreams, about stupid things, about opinions, about faith - that's what makes me feel really alive. And when I seem to lack those deep connections I feel deeply unhappy. But the irony in my life is that though I crave connections I tend to shy away from them too - I have a strange habit of keeping people at arms length and doing my own thing. Why do I do that?! Where does it come from?

And then there's the temptation to look for those connections in the wrong places and end up trying to depend on people who aren't able to live up to our expectations. And there's times when I get close to people (perhaps a friend, perhaps a potential partner) and get excited at the deep connection that's developing but then something goes wrong (they move away, we drift apart, they turn out to not be the right partner for me etc.) and I end up in pain and disappointed once again!

How can this cycle be broken? I know the answer lies with God and his unfailing love - that's what I need most. But how do I experience the fullness of His love and how do I learn to be satisfied in Him and only Him?

And one more thing - a friend of mine who's not a Christian has been struggling with this need for connection and is aware that he's going round in circles and needs to experience God's love but the more he tries, the more he feels likes he's hitting a brick wall. Why? Why has God revealed himself to people who aren't looking for him and not to people like my friend who are aware of their need for him? It doesn't seem right!! How can my friend break this cycle and meet with God? After all, experiencing God isn't something we can choose, it's something God does by his grace. I find it so hard to sit back and watch my friend hurting and struggling to find God and wish I could just wave a magic wand and make it happen but I can't and it breaks my heart!!! :(

The true Jubilee!!!

When I saw this story I was totally blown away and inspired - what a great way to make a point about poverty and inequality...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ETBMhEzYKU

Making the world a better place

So, we may not be able to change the world or our whole town but let's start with what we can do. How about we all make the effort to change the street where we live - to build community and make it a pleasant place to live.

Last night I sat and wrote a few ideas for how to do this:
1)Welcome new neighbours by going round and introducing yourself and taking cakes or something. Perhaps give them leaflets on useful information about the area.
2) Invite neighbours round for open house, a coffee morning, a meal
3) If someone is ill offer practical help with chores or childcare or take a meal round for them
4) Celebrate together and mourn together (births, death, marriages etc)
5) Organise a street party
6) Save energy by sharing machines and doing your washing together - and hang out and chat together while you wait for your washing to be done
7) Set up a co-op. Swap items of furniture, borrow tools, offer skills, share childcare... It could be in the form of a website or a weekly newsletter through everyone's door?
8) When you go to buy groceries, ask anyone who's stuck at home (eg elderly, single mum, ill) if they need anything from the store.

That was just a quick list I came up with. Please add your ideas to the list.

The Passion

Last night I stumbled across the mini-series on BBC1 called 'The Passion'. It's one of those stories I've heard so many times that I wasn't really expecting to see anything new but I was pleasantly surprised. There were two things in particular that stood out to me.

The first was the political situation and the tension between the Jews and the Romans. As I've read about it in the Bible before I never really got the full picture of what it must be like to live in that place and that time or what a crazy place Jerusalem was during Passover. It really helped bring the story to life, put things in context and help me understand the points of view of different key players in the story (Caiphas, the Romans, the disciples, the Jewish revolutionaries, the pilgrims...).

The other thing I loved was how Jesus was portrayed. He's a gentle revolutionary who's trying to teach his small band of followers how to live differently and see the world and the people around them through different eyes. And often they don't quite understand what he's doing or why because they're still thinking the way everyone else does. (For example, I love the bit where Jesus is about to enter Jerusalem on a donkey - effectively proclaiming himself as a new leader. One of his disciples turns round and says 'don't you think we should make a slightly more subtle entry, especially during passover - we're likely to get our heads kicked in!' He doesn't understand that Jesus has to enter Jerusalem in that manner and that he's fulfilling prophecy.) I wonder, how often do I misunderstand Jesus way of doing things?

Anyway, I would highly recommend you watch the rest of the series. Check it out on BBC 1 - Monday at 8:30pm, Good Friday at 9pm and Easter Sunday at 7:30pm.

Who've you robbed today?

The other day I read this really challenging quote from Basil the Great...

"When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not - should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute."

And then I was reading Luke 3:10-14 and read John the Baptist expressing the same sentiments. He was preaching and baptising people and crowds came flooding to see what was going on and join in. I'm guessing a lot of people who came to be baptised by John were just doing it cos it was the latest thing and everyone was doing it. John pulled no punches in challenging the people's wrong motives. He challenged them about their heart attitude and about allowing themselves to be transformed by the gospel. So the people began asking what they should do, what should a transformed life look like? How did John respond? Did he tell them to go to church? Read the Bible every day? Pray 5 times a day? No. What was his first response?

"If you have 2 shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry."

None of John's responses had anything to do with religious rituals. Instead he talked to them about treating the poor right, about acting with justice and about being content with what they have. Today, when the Christian church encourages people to be transformed and follow Christ we often begin by telling them about religious things they should do and don't even mention the things John the Baptist taught. We appear to have got a mixed up view of what it really means to follow Jesus and have given others the wrong idea too and for that I'm very sorry. Thankfully, the church seems to be beginning to rediscover the heart of what Jesus taught and the importance of justice and loving our neighbour over performing religious acts.

Children of the revolution?

In church, a lot of people seem to have the view that doing God's work is the job of the guys up the front, the 'pros', the pastors, teachers, apostles and prophets. But check out this verse...

"Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work..."

It says that their job is to equip God's people (aka the church) to do his work - not to do it all themselves! Doing the work of God is the job of us everyday ordinary people in the pews and the 'pros' up the front are just there to help us.

So, when you go to church, what's your reason for being there? Do you go to be trained, equipped and inspired ready to go out and do the work of God and build his Kingdom the rest of the week? If not, maybe you should just have a lie-in on a Sunday morning instead - seriously, just don't bother coming. Ok, maybe I'm being a little harsh (or perhaps not?!).

God didn't design church to be just some comfortable social club. If that's all you want then go join the gym or take up golf. And God's not interested in us performing a bunch of empty religious rituals once a week. The way I read the Bible, it seems to me that God designed his church to be a bunch of rebels and revolutionaries who are willing to take risks to build his kingdom. I was reading some stuff last night about the early church and the radical way they lived. For example, if they couldn't feed the hungry people in their community, the church would fast until they had enough food for everyone to sit down and have a meal!!! And many of them were persecuted and even killed for pledging allegiance to Christ and to God's Kingdom instead of any earthly kingdoms. How did something that started out as a radical, dangerous community become so safe?!!

Selective blindness

As you sit comfortably in your nice warm home or office in front of your computer screen, take a moment to consider those who don't have a home or a job. These people are so often forgotten and invisible. Well, no, not invisible actually - it's more that we're blind, we refuse to see!!

So often as we read the Bible we interpret it through the eyes of our own experience; we see things how we want to see them and interpret them in the way that we feel most comfortable with. But when read properly the Bible should make us feel distinctly uncomfortable about our comfortable lifestyles. Let's not forget that Jesus was a homeless bloke!! So how is it that so many Christians (myself included), supposed followers of Jesus, are often so oblivious to the poor in their community.

Why not spend sometime allowing God to show you the poor, oppressed and forgotten people around you and allow you to see life through their eyes for a little while. Check out sites like http://www.slumsurvivor.com/ or http://www.geezmagazine.org/affluence/ and take some action!

Another poetry break...

Late have I loved you,

O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,

late have I loved you!

You were within me, but I was outside,

and it was there that I searched for you.

In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created.

You were with me, but I was not with you.

Created things kept me from you;

yet if they had not been in you they would have not been at all.

You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness.

You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness.

You breathed your fragrance on me;

I drew in breath and now I pant for you.

I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more.

You touched me, and I burned for your peace.

St. Augustine of Hippo

I'm giving up Christianity!!!

Before you all think I've gone nuts and started backsliding allow me to qualify that comment!!! I've just started reading the Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne and it's AWESOME. If you're comfortable with your form of Christianity then don't touch this book with a barge pole but if you're ready to be rocked to the core of who you are and challenged about what a real Christian looks like and whether you actually are one then read it.

At the start of one chapter entitled 'In search of a Christian' the author talks about a friend of his declaring "I gave up Christianity in order to follow Jesus". The author continues by pondering "I wondered what it would look like if we decided to really follow Jesus. In fact, I wasn't exactly sure what a fully devoted Christian looked like, or if the world had even seen one in the last few centuries...it looked like some time back we had stopped living Christianity and just started studying it."

Soren Kierkegaard wrote this on the subject...
"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any word in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament."

After reading these things, here's what I wrote in my diary...
"I want to give up Christianity and follow Jesus. I want to stop studying Christianity and start living it. I want to stop just reading about God and trying to gain knowledge about him - I want to actually know him personally. I want to see the face of God (I think - probably be quite scary. Maybe I'll regret saying that's what I want!). I want to be an ordinary radical and to find other ordinary radicals to do crazy things with. I want to go in search of true Christianity and to find real Christians - and I want to learn to be one myself!!"

Divine frustration?

Been going through an interesting phase recently where I'm constantly feeling challenged about my attitudes and motives. I have so many thoughts going round my head I hardly know where to begin to make sense of it all.

I've been thinking about church, about what it is and about what it should be, wondering how much of what we do is following Jesus and how much is following man made tradition and ritual. I've been thinking about what it means to follow Jesus and whether I'm really doing such a good job of it.

As I read about Jesus I see a man who accepted everyone just as they were and didn't judge them, a man who took every opportunity to help the broken, the sick, the poor. I don't see many of these qualities in myself and it makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. I've spent a few months trying to ignore these feelings and drown out that still small voice that's trying to speak to my soul.

At first I tried to find a way to fix these things I see in me and to change these wrong attitudes and actions. But I can't fix it. The answers don't lie with me and deep down I know it. Deep down I know the only way to change and to get to where I so, so deeply hunger to be is to turn to God and surrender to Him and allow Him to change me. But I'm not good at surrender. I like to be in control. And so I've been running from God, trying to avoid having too much time alone to think about stuff cos I know that as soon as I do I'm gonna start thinking about these things again and feeling that ugly uncomfortable feeling that I've been trying to suppress. But I can't spend my whole life running and I can't make this feeling go away.

So, I decided it was time to do something about it over lent. I decided it was time to stop running from God and instead turn around and face Him and admit I'm a mess and allow him to take me apart and put me back together again. It's uncomfortable and every couple of days God gets a little too close and I pull back again, scared to go on. But God is infinately patient and oh so gentle with us all. And when I'm ready to come close again He's there waiting.

I'm still in the early stages of what feels like a bit of a wilderness phase and I know I have so much futher to go. I've barely begun to let God get close but I've finally reached that place where I've come to the end of myself and know that I desperately need Him. I've been feeling in limbo for a while - feeling like it's time to grow up and move on from youth work. But I have no idea what my next step should be. I have a feeling that I need to allow God to transform who I am before He's gonna show me what I need to be doing. Please pray for me!

We can be Heroes?!

So, who's been watching Heroes? I was determined to try to avoid getting hooked on yet another TV series so tried to avoid it but accidentally caught the end of an episode my housemate was watching and have been hooked ever since. It's an awesome show and has so many inspiring quotes and spiritual themes - I love it!

Perhaps I'm a little too into it cos now when I read the Bible I find myself relating it to Heroes episodes! For example, as I read through the gospels I see Jesus healing people with just one touch (like Linderman), reading people's thoughts (like Matt Parkman), commanding stuff and it just happening (like Eve). And then in the Old Testament you have the prophets seeing glimpses of the future that they don't fully understand - just like Isaac Mendez!

One of the big questions raised by Heroes is this - do humans really have hidden potential, is it possible for us to have powers like that? As I read about Jesus in the gospels it seems the answer is 'Yes'. But Jesus is special right - God in human form and all that - of course it makes sense for him to have these special abilities. But what about you and me? Well, just before heading back to heaven, Jesus tells his mates that the same Spirit that's in him will be in them and will give them the same abilities that he had. He also promises that ANYONE who believes in him will also be filled with that same Spirit and have the same abilities!!!! WE CAN BE HEROES!! The book of Acts describes Jesus mates getting these special abilities and in 1 Corinthians the apostle Paul talks about the kind of special abilities we might get and how we should use them.

One thing that stood out as I was watching Heroes was how they each dealt with their powers. Nathan Petrelli didn't really use his - he just tried to carry on life as normal and pretend he was like everyone else. He didn't want to be labelled a freak. But Hiro Nakamura instantly recognised the significance of his powers and the responsibility that came with them. He believed that he had these powers for a reason and that he had a responsibility to use them to benefit others whenever the opportunity arose. At first his powers were very unreliable and he didn't really understand how to use them but he was determined to put in the effort to hone them. And when an opportunity arose for him to use his powers he didn't think about his own personal safety. He saw it as destiny calling him and said that he had to answer that call no matter what.

So, I believe in Jesus, the same Spirit that is in him is in me, I have access to the same power. How do I react to this? Do I take time to explore these special abilities and hone them? Do I take every opportunity to use them to benefit others? When I see a bad situation do I see it as an opportunity to use God's power to change things? Or do I try to act 'normal' and fit in with everyone else and pretend like those abilities aren't real cos I don't want to rock the boat?

What about you? Are you more like Nathan Petrelli or Hiro Nakamura? Who do you want to live like? Is it time to make some changes?!

Lifestyle

It’s always the same. Everywhere you go are those kids who know the name of every pro, they know all the jargon and they read Kingdom magazine and Be-Mag religiously. They have the newest skates and the clothes to match. They strut around in their xxxl t-shirt, Fiction cargo joggers and Mindgame hoodie and they call themselves skaters! They talk the talk, but can they actually skate? They try to look the part, but you can see straight through them.

Rolling isn’t just an outward expression of a fashion proven only by an image. No, it’s more than that. It’s an inward identity expressed on the outside by your character. It’s proven by loyalty, commitment, determination, persistence, perseverance and it penetrates your attitudes, your loves, your hates, your entire lifestyle. It’s far more deep rooted than a hobby. You might not know how to pull all the latest tricks. It doesn’t matter. It’s not based on head knowledge or skill level. It’s based on heart passion. The kids who call themselves skaters based on appearance are an insult to the truth, but that’s the way it is!

You can spot someone truly devoted to God the same way. Some people know all the phrases, go to all the meetings, have all the latest books and can always appear to have life sussed. They say they love God, they’ll tell you: ‘Jesus loves you!’ It doesn’t go very far. A true lover of God can’t be proven by an image of holiness, only with a genuine deep founded character, not of perfection, but of truth. They can admit their faults and forgive others for theirs. A true passion for God will soon knock your focus off yourself and on to others. Don’t tell me how much God loves me, show me!

There are many sportsmen.
There are some Skaters.
And there are a few hardcore rollers.

There are many religious people.
There are quite a lot of Christians.
And there are some who love God.

Being at a skatepark doesn’t make you a skater. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian.

There will always be people who are an insult to those of us who are real. That’s the way it is. ‘False prophets’ have always existed: people who twist the truth with a matching image, but operate a selfish heart. The only interest they have is themselves.

These people will always exist. Let’s accept this fact, but not let it stand in our way of the truth. We can go round them.

I’m sure many times in your life you’ll have been fed a false image of who God is by people who seem all holy and ‘Christian’. Lets go round them, because behind the mask of religion is the true face of God. It’s in everyone’s interest to seek it. There is a truth far greater than any treasure, which has been buried beneath hypocrites, fakes, liars, religious people and the ignorant. Take some time to dig it up!

Hopefully this blog will help. I’m real sorry for those of you who’ve been turned off from seeking the truth, by these types of people. Make up your own mind, go round them! What do you believe?

A little poetry...

Wish I could say I wrote this but I didn't.

I don't know who did but I like it.

Who am I? What’s my meaning....?I don’t want to play sports,I’m a skater.

I don’t want to watch,I need to seek and find.

I don’t want religion,I need relationship.

I don’t need to entertain people’s minds,I want to set fires in their hearts.

I don’t need to be narrow minded,I want to open doorways.

I believe in dreams,

I believe in people,

I believe in God,

I believe in sharing...

What’s your meaning? Who are you?

Stupid car :(

Grr. So my car had it's MOT at the start of January and cost me just over £100 by the time I'd had a collection of little things done to make it pass. Then about 10 days later I went to drive it and the electrics worked but the engine was dead as a dodo. Thankfully I have a very nice mechanic friend who came and towed it away to take a look. The earth cable had sheared off and was shorting out the electrics to the engine so that was fixed pretty easily. But then Jon couldn't get the lights to work?! Turned out one of the relays had mysteriously gone missing. How do you lose one of those? It's not like it can just fall out - it's in a case! Anyway, on monday night Jon drove Mary Jane (my car) back to mine and gave me my keys back. Crisis over - hooray! Then I got in to drive her again the next day and she was dead as a dodo once more - argh!! That meant a half hour walk up to the youth cafe to get to work. A walk which I would have to do twice more that day. I guess it gave me plenty of thinking time though so that was nice. Last night I got an update on Mary Jane's condition. It's officially an alternator problem and she's going to need a transplant. So there goes another £100. Why are cars so expensive?!! Oh well. God knows that I really need my car for work so he'll sort out the cash I'm sure. It's all good :)