Mama's Diary - December 12th

Just in case I was starting to feel smug or think I've got this parenting thing sorted, God threw me a curve ball the other night. After day one of being home alone with the kids went so well, day two was a different story.

Hubby was working the night shift, 7pm til 7am, so was even around to help with the first part of the kids bedtime routine. It should have been a breeze. Hubby helped get little J in the bath so all I had to do was feed little miss A and get little J out of the bath.

Bath time went ok (apart from little J eating half a bath crayon when I wasn't looking) and little miss A lay in her crib patiently while I got little J dressed. I sat him down to watch Jesus Storybook Bible again, same as the night before, and then went into the bedroom to feed little miss A. She decided to have a mega long feed so soon little J's episode was done and he came to find me. He came and snuggled in bed with me and I told him stories from memory while I continued to feed little miss A in the dark (for another 45 minutes!!).

When she was finally done it was half past little J's bedtime so we headed downstairs. Once I'd tucked him in and read a quick story I went to say good night and leave the room but little J decided he needed the potty. I was tired and hungry and running out of patience so told him, "don't worry about it, you're wearing a nappy" to which he responded, "potty training, potty training". He had pulled out his trump card and I got his potty and brought it into his room. Of course by the time he was on the potty he had already peed in his nappy. I can see I'm really gonna hate this potty training thing!

By the time the kids were finally in bed it was 8pm and I went to make dinner. At 8:15pm I could hear little miss A starting to make cooing noises over the monitor. She sounded happy enough so I just assumed she would get herself back to sleep but half an hour later she was still awake and began bawling. It turned out she needed a nappy change so it took until 9pm to finally have both kids actually asleep.

Just after 10pm I began heading to bed when I heard a whole heap of coughing and some whimpering coming from little J's monitor. He's had a cough and cold for days now so I went to see if he was ok. As I walked into his room the first thing to hit me was the smell. Something very bad had just gone down here - well, come up actually, to be more precise!

I turned on the light to find little J's bear tossed on the floor and covered in sick. I could see a small amount more on little J's hand and a slight wet patch on his pillow but it looked like a relatively easy clean up job. Oh how wrong I was!!! As I picked up the pillow to put on a dry pillow case I found a HUGE puddle of sick hidden underneath. It would appear little J had tried to do his own clean up job by just turning over the pillow and trying to go back to sleep. As he saw the look on my face his bottom lip began to quiver. I told him it was all ok and that he doesn't need to hide it when he's sick, he won't get in trouble! Poor little bear.

The more I cleaned up, the more mess I discovered - down his pajamas, soaked into his pillow, on his sheets, several blankets, the floor... I stripped it all off, removed the mattress cover too and threw it all in a heap in the bath to deal with later. Then I got my tearful little boy snuggled in some new pajamas and told him he could come and sleep with me on daddy's side of the bed as daddy was at work.

Now that he had been sick, little J seemed much better and now wanted to stay up and chat. It was by now 11pm and I was very aware that his sister would wake up for a feed any time from midnight onwards so I really did not want to stay up and talk!

At some point I must have drifted off despite little J's babbling. The next thing I remember was being woken by little J suddenly sitting up, wimpering "mama" and then BLEURGH.....sick all over our bed. Thankfully I had prepared for this eventuality. I still had one disposable bed cover thingy leftover from my home birth and had put that under little J before putting him in our bed. This clean up job was much quicker with the only real casualty being the (cheap, rubbish) pillow.

I rolled up the disposable bed cover, threw it away and got little J into (his last) clean pajamas. The next problem was where to put him to bed now. I had nothing left to protect our bed so went with the logic that his mattress is cheaper to replace than ours and decided to  put him back in his own bed. I covered his mattress in bin bags just to be on the safe side and settled him back into bed with what few clean blankets he had left.

Finally I crawled back into bed around 1am........only to be woken half an hour later by little miss A needing a feed. Thankfully she feeds fast and settles herself to sleep after so it wasn't too bad but she woke again to feed just before 5am. Then she woke again around 6am all snotty and wanting cuddles so I took her into bed with me.

At 7am the alarm went off - time to get little miss A her feed before little J wakes up and demands breakfast. I was exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was be making breakfast and getting kids dressed. I couldn't wait for hubby to get home and give me a hand.

But of course, even when hubby did arrive home, he was so tired from his shift that he was next to useless. As I took the kids out to play group, hubby slept off his night shift in preparation for his next shift starting at 4pm.

What about me? When was I going to get to sleep off my 'night shift' or get chance to prepare myself for another evening of putting the kids to bed alone?

One Bible verse kept coming to mind through it all:

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength I need" (Philippians 4:13)

I have certainly needed His strength these last few days and He has faithfully provided it!

Mama's Diary - December 10th

I feel like I deserve a medal for the day I've just had (don't all mums?). After a long and challenging day, I have just survived my first of five nights this week putting two small children to bed alone. I was dreading it ahead of time but here I am with my feet up and both kids in bed by 7:30pm!

So how did I achieve this amazing feat? Let me give you a quick run down...

5pm Breastfed #2 while #1 played nearby.
Took both kids to the kitchen to get dinner ready for #1 and put #2 in bouncy chair while heating up dinner.
Strapped #1 into his chair so he couldn't escape and left him to eat his dinner while I bathed his sister in the kitchen sink.
Gave #2 some naked tummy time on the changing mat on the kitchen floor while having words with #1 about his eating habits ("we do not throw food...please don't jam your fork in the radiator....pasta goes in your mouth not your nose etc etc).
Dressed #2 and began putting on baby wrap sling thingy ready to feed her some more.
Everyone headed to the bathroom and I lay #2 on the floor while I helped #1 get undressed and in the shower.
Began trying to put #2 in the baby sling to feed hands free while helping #1 wash but soon abandoned that idea - just can't get the hang of these darn baby wrap things. Anyway, #1 is able to wash himself, he just chooses not to.
Sang "here we go round the mulberry bush" as a way of tricking #1 into washing himself ("this is the way we wash our face....neck....back....arms......"). Meanwhile, I sat and breastfed #2.
When #2 had finished feeding on one side I put her in her crib in our room and left her to cry for a minute while I dressed #1 (who had eaten half a bath crayon during the brief time I had been out of the room).
Once dressed, I sat #1 down in front of the TV to watch Jesus Storybook Bible and handed him his Bible so he could "read" along.
Went into our room to finish feeding #2. Had to change her clothes first due to #1 splashing her during his shower. Spent the next 20 mins feeding her and then put her in bed drowsy but still awake.
Returned to the lounge to find #1 still in one piece and happily enjoying his Bible.
Read stories to #1 while #2 could be heard fussing a little over the monitor. By the end of the first story #2 was asleep.
Took #1 to his room and tucked him in to bed. Went to get him a drink while he "read" his bears a bedtime story. Returned with his drink, gave him final kisses and cuddles and turned out the light.
7:20 pm Headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on - time for a brew!!!

So there we go, everyone in bed with minimal tears and the only casualty was a ripped page of #1's Bible.  I have the utmost respect for mama's who have to go through this alone on a regular basis or who's partners work away from home!

Mama's Diary - December 4th

Today was my first full day home alone with both kids following hubby starting his new job.

The day started out fine. Little miss A went down for her morning nap without much of a fight leaving me and little J to eat breakfast.

After breakfast I got little J dressed and then put on one of his favourite TV shows to keep him occupied while I got myself ready to go out. I jumped in the shower and began washing my hair (for the first time in a week). Just then in walked little J with the TV remote complaining I put on the wrong episode of Sarah and Duck. So I jumped out of the shower, threw a towel round myself and went to put on the correct episode. With that problem solved I jumped back in the shower and began putting on conditioner (probably the first time since little miss A was born 8 weeks ago). Cue little miss A wailing over the baby monitor. She had woken up half an hour earlier than usual and now I rushed to get dressed at the speed of light and go settle her again. It wasn't long until we were planning to leave for play group anyway so I just put her in the baby carrier and started getting little J ready to leave.

So we showed up at toddler group almost on time for once but with my hair still dripping wet. The baby carrier had worked its usual magic and got little miss A back to sleep so I took the chance to grab a cuppa tea and some cake before waking her for her feed. Meanwhile little J was busy doing arts and crafts and playing with cars and making me pretend cups of tea.

Little miss A was in a fussy mood this morning and just didn't seem to want to feed properly. Trying to breastfeed while playing cars with little J isn't easy at the best of times but this morning was particularly challenging. Little miss A fussed and cried her way through story time too and by the time we got to the singing time at the end I was still fighting to get her to feed. Little J decided to join in with the fuss by first getting upset that I couldn't pick him up to do some of the actions and then having a near melt down cos we didn't sing grand old duke of York.

When toddler group was over my aim was to get home as quickly as possible to get little miss A down for a nap. I strapped a wildly protesting little J into the pushchair and put a now crying little miss A in the baby carrier and headed home. She was asleep by the time we got home so I gently put her in her own bed and went to play with little J for a while before lunch.

Lunchtime came and just as I began making something for little J and I, you guessed it, the baby monitor began to wail. Little miss A had decided to wake after 45 minutes instead of sleeping for her usual 2 hours. My attempts to resettle her failed so I ended up feeding her some more while poor little J tried to make his own lunch (yes, I let a 2 year old use the toaster).

Little miss A began to drift off so I put her in her own bed again and crossed my fingers. Next on my to do list was putting little J down for his nap. He of course decided that was the time he wanted to try to use the potty. (He wants to start potty training, I'm still resisting the idea but trying to be encouraging.) Just as little J got comfy on the potty (reading his usual car magazine), little miss A began to wail again. Five minutes later she was still yelling so I decided to risk leaving a toddler alone in the bathroom to check on her. As soon as I walked out of the room he got up and started running around semi naked - sigh!

After checking on little miss A, I got naked boy dressed and put him in bed for his nap before returning to little miss A and deciding to abandon her nap. As I sat feeding little miss A some more and listening to little J over the monitor I soon heard some whimpering. I put little miss A down and went to investigate. When I entered little J's room I was greeted by a soaking wet little boy declaring 'new trousers, new trousers'. He had decided to empty his drink into his bed and both he and the bed were soaked. I sighed and took him to our bedroom to sleep, not really expecting he actually would. To my surprise he was asleep within five minutes - hooray!

Then it dawned on me - little miss A was going to need a nap in half hour and her bed was in that room too. Error! What now? Wake little J early? Sneak little miss A in there and risk her super helpful brother trying to pick her up if she cries?

In the end I decided to just let her sleep on me so we had a peaceful hour curled up together on the sofa. I lay there wondering if I would ever get to eat lunch or go pee but enjoyed the cuddles with my precious little one.

By nature I am quite a task oriented person and get a weird kick out of ticking items off my to do list. Being a parent is teaching me to let go of my desire to get things done and focus on precious opportunities to connect with my special little people.

I'm also a bit of a perfectionist which leads me to put unhelpful expectations on myself (and my family too). I find myself hoping today will be the day that I will finally manage to get little miss A on the perfect routine. Then I end up disappointed that she doesn't want to follow Gina Ford and wondering what I could have done better.

In the rare moments I get to be alone, I've been reading a great book called "Soul Food for Mums". The other day I was reading a section about perfectionism and letting go and this bit from the Bible stood out to me:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

So that is my challenge as a mama - to trust in God and not my own ideas (or Gina Ford!), to relax and listen for the whispers of God's Spirit showing me the way forward in each challenging moment (of which there are sure to be many more).