Another poetry break...

Late have I loved you,

O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,

late have I loved you!

You were within me, but I was outside,

and it was there that I searched for you.

In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created.

You were with me, but I was not with you.

Created things kept me from you;

yet if they had not been in you they would have not been at all.

You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness.

You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness.

You breathed your fragrance on me;

I drew in breath and now I pant for you.

I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more.

You touched me, and I burned for your peace.

St. Augustine of Hippo

I'm giving up Christianity!!!

Before you all think I've gone nuts and started backsliding allow me to qualify that comment!!! I've just started reading the Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne and it's AWESOME. If you're comfortable with your form of Christianity then don't touch this book with a barge pole but if you're ready to be rocked to the core of who you are and challenged about what a real Christian looks like and whether you actually are one then read it.

At the start of one chapter entitled 'In search of a Christian' the author talks about a friend of his declaring "I gave up Christianity in order to follow Jesus". The author continues by pondering "I wondered what it would look like if we decided to really follow Jesus. In fact, I wasn't exactly sure what a fully devoted Christian looked like, or if the world had even seen one in the last few centuries...it looked like some time back we had stopped living Christianity and just started studying it."

Soren Kierkegaard wrote this on the subject...
"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any word in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament."

After reading these things, here's what I wrote in my diary...
"I want to give up Christianity and follow Jesus. I want to stop studying Christianity and start living it. I want to stop just reading about God and trying to gain knowledge about him - I want to actually know him personally. I want to see the face of God (I think - probably be quite scary. Maybe I'll regret saying that's what I want!). I want to be an ordinary radical and to find other ordinary radicals to do crazy things with. I want to go in search of true Christianity and to find real Christians - and I want to learn to be one myself!!"

Divine frustration?

Been going through an interesting phase recently where I'm constantly feeling challenged about my attitudes and motives. I have so many thoughts going round my head I hardly know where to begin to make sense of it all.

I've been thinking about church, about what it is and about what it should be, wondering how much of what we do is following Jesus and how much is following man made tradition and ritual. I've been thinking about what it means to follow Jesus and whether I'm really doing such a good job of it.

As I read about Jesus I see a man who accepted everyone just as they were and didn't judge them, a man who took every opportunity to help the broken, the sick, the poor. I don't see many of these qualities in myself and it makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. I've spent a few months trying to ignore these feelings and drown out that still small voice that's trying to speak to my soul.

At first I tried to find a way to fix these things I see in me and to change these wrong attitudes and actions. But I can't fix it. The answers don't lie with me and deep down I know it. Deep down I know the only way to change and to get to where I so, so deeply hunger to be is to turn to God and surrender to Him and allow Him to change me. But I'm not good at surrender. I like to be in control. And so I've been running from God, trying to avoid having too much time alone to think about stuff cos I know that as soon as I do I'm gonna start thinking about these things again and feeling that ugly uncomfortable feeling that I've been trying to suppress. But I can't spend my whole life running and I can't make this feeling go away.

So, I decided it was time to do something about it over lent. I decided it was time to stop running from God and instead turn around and face Him and admit I'm a mess and allow him to take me apart and put me back together again. It's uncomfortable and every couple of days God gets a little too close and I pull back again, scared to go on. But God is infinately patient and oh so gentle with us all. And when I'm ready to come close again He's there waiting.

I'm still in the early stages of what feels like a bit of a wilderness phase and I know I have so much futher to go. I've barely begun to let God get close but I've finally reached that place where I've come to the end of myself and know that I desperately need Him. I've been feeling in limbo for a while - feeling like it's time to grow up and move on from youth work. But I have no idea what my next step should be. I have a feeling that I need to allow God to transform who I am before He's gonna show me what I need to be doing. Please pray for me!

We can be Heroes?!

So, who's been watching Heroes? I was determined to try to avoid getting hooked on yet another TV series so tried to avoid it but accidentally caught the end of an episode my housemate was watching and have been hooked ever since. It's an awesome show and has so many inspiring quotes and spiritual themes - I love it!

Perhaps I'm a little too into it cos now when I read the Bible I find myself relating it to Heroes episodes! For example, as I read through the gospels I see Jesus healing people with just one touch (like Linderman), reading people's thoughts (like Matt Parkman), commanding stuff and it just happening (like Eve). And then in the Old Testament you have the prophets seeing glimpses of the future that they don't fully understand - just like Isaac Mendez!

One of the big questions raised by Heroes is this - do humans really have hidden potential, is it possible for us to have powers like that? As I read about Jesus in the gospels it seems the answer is 'Yes'. But Jesus is special right - God in human form and all that - of course it makes sense for him to have these special abilities. But what about you and me? Well, just before heading back to heaven, Jesus tells his mates that the same Spirit that's in him will be in them and will give them the same abilities that he had. He also promises that ANYONE who believes in him will also be filled with that same Spirit and have the same abilities!!!! WE CAN BE HEROES!! The book of Acts describes Jesus mates getting these special abilities and in 1 Corinthians the apostle Paul talks about the kind of special abilities we might get and how we should use them.

One thing that stood out as I was watching Heroes was how they each dealt with their powers. Nathan Petrelli didn't really use his - he just tried to carry on life as normal and pretend he was like everyone else. He didn't want to be labelled a freak. But Hiro Nakamura instantly recognised the significance of his powers and the responsibility that came with them. He believed that he had these powers for a reason and that he had a responsibility to use them to benefit others whenever the opportunity arose. At first his powers were very unreliable and he didn't really understand how to use them but he was determined to put in the effort to hone them. And when an opportunity arose for him to use his powers he didn't think about his own personal safety. He saw it as destiny calling him and said that he had to answer that call no matter what.

So, I believe in Jesus, the same Spirit that is in him is in me, I have access to the same power. How do I react to this? Do I take time to explore these special abilities and hone them? Do I take every opportunity to use them to benefit others? When I see a bad situation do I see it as an opportunity to use God's power to change things? Or do I try to act 'normal' and fit in with everyone else and pretend like those abilities aren't real cos I don't want to rock the boat?

What about you? Are you more like Nathan Petrelli or Hiro Nakamura? Who do you want to live like? Is it time to make some changes?!

Lifestyle

It’s always the same. Everywhere you go are those kids who know the name of every pro, they know all the jargon and they read Kingdom magazine and Be-Mag religiously. They have the newest skates and the clothes to match. They strut around in their xxxl t-shirt, Fiction cargo joggers and Mindgame hoodie and they call themselves skaters! They talk the talk, but can they actually skate? They try to look the part, but you can see straight through them.

Rolling isn’t just an outward expression of a fashion proven only by an image. No, it’s more than that. It’s an inward identity expressed on the outside by your character. It’s proven by loyalty, commitment, determination, persistence, perseverance and it penetrates your attitudes, your loves, your hates, your entire lifestyle. It’s far more deep rooted than a hobby. You might not know how to pull all the latest tricks. It doesn’t matter. It’s not based on head knowledge or skill level. It’s based on heart passion. The kids who call themselves skaters based on appearance are an insult to the truth, but that’s the way it is!

You can spot someone truly devoted to God the same way. Some people know all the phrases, go to all the meetings, have all the latest books and can always appear to have life sussed. They say they love God, they’ll tell you: ‘Jesus loves you!’ It doesn’t go very far. A true lover of God can’t be proven by an image of holiness, only with a genuine deep founded character, not of perfection, but of truth. They can admit their faults and forgive others for theirs. A true passion for God will soon knock your focus off yourself and on to others. Don’t tell me how much God loves me, show me!

There are many sportsmen.
There are some Skaters.
And there are a few hardcore rollers.

There are many religious people.
There are quite a lot of Christians.
And there are some who love God.

Being at a skatepark doesn’t make you a skater. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian.

There will always be people who are an insult to those of us who are real. That’s the way it is. ‘False prophets’ have always existed: people who twist the truth with a matching image, but operate a selfish heart. The only interest they have is themselves.

These people will always exist. Let’s accept this fact, but not let it stand in our way of the truth. We can go round them.

I’m sure many times in your life you’ll have been fed a false image of who God is by people who seem all holy and ‘Christian’. Lets go round them, because behind the mask of religion is the true face of God. It’s in everyone’s interest to seek it. There is a truth far greater than any treasure, which has been buried beneath hypocrites, fakes, liars, religious people and the ignorant. Take some time to dig it up!

Hopefully this blog will help. I’m real sorry for those of you who’ve been turned off from seeking the truth, by these types of people. Make up your own mind, go round them! What do you believe?

A little poetry...

Wish I could say I wrote this but I didn't.

I don't know who did but I like it.

Who am I? What’s my meaning....?I don’t want to play sports,I’m a skater.

I don’t want to watch,I need to seek and find.

I don’t want religion,I need relationship.

I don’t need to entertain people’s minds,I want to set fires in their hearts.

I don’t need to be narrow minded,I want to open doorways.

I believe in dreams,

I believe in people,

I believe in God,

I believe in sharing...

What’s your meaning? Who are you?