It's now seven weeks since little miss A was born and here I am sat with my feet up having a cuppa tea and a quiet evening to myself while the kids both sleep peacefully. For the second time in my life I have come out the other side of the nightmare that is the first six weeks of having a newborn baby. It's time to relax and reflect...
So how has it been this time around? Surprisingly easy. Don't get me wrong, it's been pretty challenging, but not as bad as I expected. Having a newborn first time around was so much harder than I realised it would be and I was slightly dreading doing it all again with a toddler in tow. Having expected the worst it made the reality seem not so bad!
There have been moments in the last few weeks that drove me crazy and times where it felt like the kids were ganging up against me (like when just as we got little miss A to sleep at 5am, our toddler who NEVER wakes in the night decided to wake up shouting!). There have also been some beautiful moments where I have had quality alone time with each of my dear children and hubby too. And there have been some hilariously funny moments (like when little miss A was crying and I said she needed milk and her super helpful big brother then rushed to the fridge to get the milk carton.)
I've been trying to decide what has made it so much easier this time around and I think a lot of it comes down to two things: confidence and expectations.
Back in the days before children I expected to be able to sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, shower when I wanted and have an uninterrupted evening relaxing with hubby. When little J came along and trampled all over those expectations I found it incredibly frustrating and as a result often felt stressed and annoyed each time he cried and demanded my attention.
This time around I'm living in a whole new world where I am used to my wants coming second to the little people in my life. This time around I fully expected little miss A to prevent me from showering for days on end. I've found myself celebrating each time I do get a shower instead of getting annoyed each time I don't. And this time around I expected weeks on end of getting no time to relax in front of the TV of an evening so instead of getting annoyed each time little miss A cries, I've just allowed myself to sit and enjoy cuddles with my little girl. After all, she will only be little for a short time but reruns of Grey's Anatomy and Big Bang Theory will be around for years to come.
Last time around we had no clue what we were doing or how long this difficult phase would last. Would little J ever sleep on his own? Would we ever get a full nights sleep again? Would me and hubby ever get time alone? Would I ever get to eat dinner without trying to breastfeed a screaming kid at the same time? The not knowing made it very stressful and that stress was made worse by the feeling that perhaps we were doing something wrong that was preventing him from learning to sleep.
This time around we're so much more laid back as we know it's only a phase - just gotta grit your teeth and get through this first six weeks!
Last time I was constantly reading up on stuff and focused on doing things "right" and trying to teach little J good habits and get him on a routine as early as possible. This time around I've ignored all the books and just done my own thing.
Baby only wants to sleep on mummy and daddy the first few weeks? Meh, let her do it - little girls need their cuddles.
Baby wants to sleep in our bed instead of her own most nights? Meh, as long as she does sleep I don't care where it is.
I've come to realise that for the first six weeks it's much better to relax and just do whatever works. It's much too soon to be worrying about routines or negative sleep associations and all that jazz. Just enjoy your little one and feel free to rock/feed/cuddle them to sleep if that's what they want!
Talking of feeding, I think little miss A is stirring ready for a feed. That's my cue.......
