Food fight's

Our little boy is growing fast and so is his desire for independence. Part of the out working of this is his desire to feed himself and have more control over what he eats. While we were unpacking the shopping the other day he was sat on the floor holding a bunch of bananas out while wearing his 'can I have some' face. When I told him 'in a minute, hun' he saw that as permission, pulled one off the bunch and started trying to bite through the skin.  This morning as I opened the fridge to get milk out for my cereal he squeezed past me, grabbed a yoghurt and held it up to me to ask me to take the lid off for him. I thought raiding the fridge for food was just something teenage boys do - not one year olds!!

He's been feeding himself finger food with great success for a long time but now he wants more - he wants to learn to use cutlery!! I have found myself approaching dinner times with a sense of dread as I wonder how much of his dinner I'm going to be wearing by the end of it (never mind giving him a bib to keep clean, I need something to cover my clothes!) and how many fights there will be. At first J was happy for me to hand him a preloaded spoon for him to shovel in his mouth but now he wants to load the spoon himself. Some days he will let me help him and other days, despite his frustration that he can't really do it, he refuses all offers of assistance. This results in shouting (often from both parties), snatching and much food flicking. I used to think of myself as a patient person before I became a parent but at dinnertimes I now find my patience often wears dangerously thin! I don't like the parent I have turned into at dinnertimes and so last night I found myself praying for extra patience and for wisdom to know how to handle this challenge.

Tonight was another standard evening. Dinner was a chunky pork and veggi casserole with plenty of sauce for J to make a mess with. At first he let me spoon feed him but he soon wanted to join in. At one point as he tried to load the spoon he accidentally flicked a big dollop of mushy sweet potato at his forehead and I couldn't help but laugh. He thought that since it brought me such joy the first time he would do it again. This time I did not laugh one little bit as he flicked bright orange casserole on my nice clean, brand new, white shirt!! Not only did I not laugh but I wanted to shout at him and take the food away and send him straight to bed.

But then I stopped my self and thought what did he actually do wrong? Why am I really angry? He got my clothes messy while trying to make me laugh. He was trying to master a difficult new skill and made some mistakes along the way. He got frustrated that learning new stuff is tough and expressed that by shouting a bit. Can I really be angry with him for that? Surely instead I should be giving him the freedom to try and to fail messily and be cheering him on for his efforts.

I took a deep breath, thanked God for stain remover and offered him the spoon again. There were still a few times that he flicked food in anger and at those points I took the bowl away, calmly told him not to do it and once he had calmed down let him try again, all the while cheering his successful attempts. Things went better from then on and I have resolved to wear my dressing gown over my clothes at dinner so I won't get so uptight about him flicking stuff in the first place!