The perils of being a new momma

The other day I was discussing with friends the benefits of pushchairs versus baby wearing and it made me think back to how daunting it all seemed as a new mum. Cue flashback sequence......

So, you decide to take bubba out in the pushchair for the first time and head for town. You soon discover what a nightmare it is to try to maneuver around a large proportion of high street shops. In Next you misjudge the steering, hit a gondola that happens to have wheels on it and inadvertently end up rearranging the store - oops! Another store has aisles so tight you end up just giving up and leaving.

You need a quick toilet stop and suddenly it dawns on you that you can't use just any bathroom (unless you plan on abandoning your pushchair outside the cubicle where anyone could steal your wallet, or child, or both). You start racking your brains to remember where there's a baby changing type bathroom and then remember the mall has some extra large cubicles designed for pushchairs. You reach the bathroom and, when your turn in the queue arrives, you head for the pushchair friendly cubicle at the far end. Whoever designed it really didn't think things through. Yes, the door opens outwards so you can get your pushchair out, but it opens right onto a sink! So you have to fight your way in and out past strangers trying to wash their hands who make no effort to help prop the door open so you can steer the pushchair in and instead just watch you struggle. Thanks a lot.

Next you decide to head to the supermarket to pick up just a couple of items. As soon as you arrive you come across your first challenge - how are you going to carry everything? Pushing a pushchair and a trolley at the same time is physically impossible so a basket will have to do. You begin to grab bread, milk, cheese, yoghurt......and as the basket gets heavier you struggle to carry it and push baby too. So you resort to trying to balance it on top of the pushchair but it's too heavy and nearly breaks the darn hood! Plan B - abandon the shopping basket and balance items on the hood and by baby's feet. Decide to leave without half your shopping list as you can't balance anything else.

After all that stress you decide it's time for a tea break, so head for your favourite cafe. You stand in the queue and order your coffee and cake and then when it arrives on a tray you realise you have no idea how you're gonna carry the tray and push the kid. Do you leave the kid at the till while you take your drink to a table? Or leave the tray, find a seat, park the kid and return to retrieve your drink? Oh, and the only seats are upstairs and there's no lift......great.

Baby number two and you decide to take bubba out in the baby carrier instead. Previous experience has taught you that high street carriers are not the most comfortable for these journeys as baby's legs hang down and hit your thighs with every step. Very annoying! Instead, you've discovered the wonderful world of Tula's, Connecta's and such like. You stroll into town with baby comfortably nuzzled in the carrier, her legs wrapped nicely round your waist and head on your chest - like a portable cuddle. You had a little trouble deciding what bag to take in order to be most comfortable and end up borrowing hubby's rucksack - perfect.

You move around shops and squeeze through crowds with ease - success. Time for a bathroom stop and you head for a normal bathroom - hooray! Oh, but what to do with baby while you pee? Take the carrier off and lay her on the floor? But wait.....you can still undo your jeans with the carrier on.....and pee while still wearing little miss A. Another success for baby wearing.

The supermarket trip is also easier as you have hands free to carry a basket or push a trolley. Baby is much closer to the action and enjoys trying to reach out and do her own bits of shopping. Thankfully while front carrying its easy to see what she's up to but previous experience with her older brother has taught you never to trust a quiet toddler in a back carry! You load up and head to the checkout, this time with everything on your list. You pack all the items into your rucksack as the checkout lady coos over your cute little one grinning from the carrier. As you put the rucksack on your back you find yourself wishing you hadn't bought potatoes and remembering how useful the pushchair is for hanging bags of shopping from.

Time for a well earned coffee and by this time baby is tired and has fallen asleep on you. You order your coffee and cake and easily carry your tray to a table on the first floor. As you sink into an armchair in a corner the only problem you have is how to eat cake without getting crumbs in the hair of the child who is still fast asleep on you. Meh - a few crumbs won't hurt ;)

Today's little treasures

I'll be honest, I've been slightly dreading the school holidays. I love my kids but the thought of seven whole weeks with nothing planned seemed a bit daunting. Usually our days are pretty mapped out for us; baby group on Monday morning, preschool Tuesday through Thursday mornings, mommas bible study on Wednesday mornings, baby group Friday morning, another baby group on Saturday morning and church on Sunday. So you can see why to me the holidays seemed like a big gaping chasm!

Well, we're only on day one so I don't want to get too cocky too soon but I am already starting to realise it's maybe not so bad. I'm discovering that little J has an amazing imagination and when I give him space without any plans he comes up with some great ideas for how to spend our days. I'm also realising how easy it is to let days pass by and not notice or appreciate the little treasures in each day. So here I am going to catalogue some of the treasures I'm grateful for today:

1. Days when the kids make all the plans. Today little J took me for a walk to the local pet shop and then to the park. His little sister loved the animals (and loved trying to eat sand at the park). On the way home he pretended to be an explorer in the jungle and then that we were being chased by elephants and had to run home. (Prizes for guessing which episode of charlie and Lola inspired him ha ha.)

2. Reduced price food. We stopped by Asda garage on the way home to get naan bread and instead found reduced price flatbreads and reduced cake too! 23p angel cake is hard to say no to ;)

3. Boston tea party. This great cafe chain has just opened up near our house and we went for a quick drink. I've been missing grandmas lemonade since getting back from America so was excited to see they sell lemonade and ice tea, not to mention the cheapest cream tea in town.

4. Tiger. No, not the animal, a new shop that has opened in the mall. It's full of all kinds of bizarre things, many of which will provide hours of fun over the holidays. Today I got a kite for little J and a ball for little miss A that is full of glitter that moves around as you roll it. I've also got my eye on their paper dolls with stickers for a later date. Go check it out and if you're a child of the 80's like me you may discover some of your teenage years hiding in there!

What are you thankful for today?

I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1

Feeding time at the zoo

 Our family are at a stage where, when it comes to dinner, it's difficult to balance everyone's needs. The kids need to eat early to get to bed, I prefer to eat later without kids interrupting and hubby may or may not even be home for dinner if he's working a late shift. Add to that the fact that little miss A is still on a low salt and low sugar diet, hubby is a raging carnivore and little J would live off pasta if he could and you'll see it's far from straight forward.

This week I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it thanks to my slow cooker and some great one pot meals. I love that the slow cooker allows me to throw dinner together while little J is at preschool and little miss A is napping and by the time the kids need dinner it's ready and waiting, still hot when me and hubby want to eat and even produces enough leftovers for hubby to take to work on a late shift.

So far this week I've used the slow cooker to make chilli con carne, an amazing beef stroganoff and a chicken and sweet potato curry. Another favourite of mine is Dr pepper stew and another day when I have more time I'll share the recipe with you.

Today I want to share with you a great easy recipe that doesn't even need a slow cooker. The ingredients are simple and the prep work was so easy I was able to chop the veg while the kids ate their dinner.

Quick chicken casserole

Grab yourself a good size casserole dish and then add:

4/5 new potatoes, halved

2 carrots, sliced

3 shallots, quartered

4 chicken pieces (thighs, legs, breast...whatever you prefer)

500ml chicken stock (I use boots baby stock cubes - suitable from 7 months and great flavour)

Place the casserole dish on the hob and simmer for 20 mins. Add a cup of frozen peas and simmer for another 5-10 mins. Finally, add some tarragon and stir in 1-2 tablespoons of creme fraiche.

Hey presto, dinner is ready!

I was able to leave dinner to cook while I got the kids in bed and have it ready just as soon as hubby and I were ready to eat. There was just enough leftover to save some for little J to eat the next day and purée some for little miss A. Best of all, only one dirty dish! Everyone's a winner :)

Easter for dummies

I've been trying to work out how to explain Easter to my 2 year old. When we went on an Easter egg hunt the other day he insisted on calling it an Easter bear hunt (can you guess what his favourite book is?). So we need to start with the basics and keep it simple!

I tried talking to him about Jesus taking our punishment the other day and thought I was using terms he would understand but he got distracted and quickly stopped listening. It dawned on me that I was still trying to go too deep and explain the "why" and "how" behind Easter when really he just needs to know the basic "what". I sat down and started to try to write about the events of Easter in its most basic form. Here's what I've got so far:

1. Jesus is God's son - I figured telling him who this Jesus bloke is was a good place to start
2. Jesus came to tell people about God - I could give a list of all Jesus came to do (preaching, healing, miracles, to forgive and rescue us etc etc) but this seemed like a simple way of summing that up.
3. Some people didn't like Jesus and wanted him to go away - I was going to put "and they killed him" but didn't want little J to think that killing people if you don't like them is a legitimate option haha
4. Jesus died on a cross - at a later date I can add that he did it to rescue us
5. Jesus came back to life - at a later date I can add that it was part of God's rescue plan to fix everything.
6. Jesus is in heaven now with his daddy and he can live in our hearts too if we ask him

So there we go, that's my toddler friendly Easter story. If you're looking for ideas for activities to do with little ones at Easter take a look at this post

Happy Easter!!!

Modern day sabbath

I am officially rubbish at resting. I have a tendency to think "I'll just get all the chores done and then I'll rest". But when you're a mum of two small kids your work is never done. Even as I sit here now trying to relax I'm still thinking of all the other jobs I need to do over the next few days.

The other day I read a great article about the concept of having a sabbath and it really challenged and inspired me. The Bible says that rest is important - if the creator of the universe needed a day off, how much more do we mere mortals need a break?! God has our best interests at heart and knows how vital rest is for not only our physical but also emotional well being.

So here I am preparing for our first proper sabbath. We have chosen a Saturday this week as hubby isn't working and Sunday's are always busy with church activities. The dishes are all done and put away, laundry is all done, toys tidied up and bins taken out. There are now no chores left to do that can't wait until Sunday. Tomorrow morning we will quickly chuck a chilli in the slow cooker (or maybe just decide to get take away) and then we will be all set to sit back and enjoy our day together.

The plan is to spend the day enjoying time together as family with no chores, no dishes, no cooking, no checking emails, no doing the tesco order or online banking - just me and my family enjoying each other and enjoying God.

I'll let you know how it goes but I have a feeling it's going to be rather freeing!

I am NOT superwoman!

As a mum there is no such thing as a day off. You can't just call in sick one day - the kids still need you. So when you feel sick, or just down right exhausted, all you can do is dig down deep and find some kind of reserve of strength and keep pushing through.

And that's ok if you just have to push through that one day, but what if every day is an uphill struggle and you are continuously pushing yourself to your limits? That is where I found myself several weeks ago, in the middle of a week where hubby worked far too many hours and I tried to stretch myself way too thin and please too many people. Instead of asking for help I just tried to grit my teeth and keep going cos that's what mum's do, right? Part way through the week I reached my limit and my body told me in no uncertain terms that I had pushed things waaaaaay too far!

As mum's we love to talk about the cute things our little darlings have done, the funny things they said, their achievements, all the high points of parenting. It's great to share and celebrate those things together but I don't think it's very helpful if that's all we ever talk about.

How often do we talk about the low points - dragging a screaming toddler down the street as they have a tantrum, screaming "shut up" at your crying newborn cos the sleep deprivation has got the better of you, losing your cool and smacking your child, caving in and resorting to bribery and doing all kinds of things you swore you would never do?

I love my kids and we have so many great moments together but there are some days (many days!) when I find myself counting down the hours until bedtime. I wish that wasn't the case but, instead of allowing myself to feel guilty over that fact, I've just come to accept that is the season we're in right now.

As a mum it's so easy to carry around feelings of guilt that we don't always enjoy our kids, shame at our failings and feelings of inadequacy as we compare ourselves with others.

I often look at other mum's and think "how do they do it?" - they seem to have it all together and make it look effortless. But then I thought to myself, I wonder if others view me that way too? I think in reality we are all a bit like ducks - calm on the surface but paddling frantically unseen by others.

As mum's we are used to having to put on a brave face and just keep going - a bit too used to it. I think it's unhelpful and puts undue pressure on all of us to attain some kind of superwoman standard.

So I'm pledging to be more real and honest about my parenting experience. Sure, I'll still share stories of the good times and the cute things, but I'm going to stop holding back about the tough times. I hope by sharing my struggles it will give others the courage to share theirs too and that we will stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and others.

One of the best pieces of advice I've been given since having my second child is to accept help - ask for it even. It's ok to admit you can't do it alone! I've found it so humbling and character building to accept help and admit I can't do it all and it's brought me closer to people as I have opened up or reached out for help.

Isn't it great how God uses the challenges of life to help us grow in both character and relationship with Him and others?

And finally friends, remember:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 
2 Corinthians 12:9

Mama's Diary - December 12th

Just in case I was starting to feel smug or think I've got this parenting thing sorted, God threw me a curve ball the other night. After day one of being home alone with the kids went so well, day two was a different story.

Hubby was working the night shift, 7pm til 7am, so was even around to help with the first part of the kids bedtime routine. It should have been a breeze. Hubby helped get little J in the bath so all I had to do was feed little miss A and get little J out of the bath.

Bath time went ok (apart from little J eating half a bath crayon when I wasn't looking) and little miss A lay in her crib patiently while I got little J dressed. I sat him down to watch Jesus Storybook Bible again, same as the night before, and then went into the bedroom to feed little miss A. She decided to have a mega long feed so soon little J's episode was done and he came to find me. He came and snuggled in bed with me and I told him stories from memory while I continued to feed little miss A in the dark (for another 45 minutes!!).

When she was finally done it was half past little J's bedtime so we headed downstairs. Once I'd tucked him in and read a quick story I went to say good night and leave the room but little J decided he needed the potty. I was tired and hungry and running out of patience so told him, "don't worry about it, you're wearing a nappy" to which he responded, "potty training, potty training". He had pulled out his trump card and I got his potty and brought it into his room. Of course by the time he was on the potty he had already peed in his nappy. I can see I'm really gonna hate this potty training thing!

By the time the kids were finally in bed it was 8pm and I went to make dinner. At 8:15pm I could hear little miss A starting to make cooing noises over the monitor. She sounded happy enough so I just assumed she would get herself back to sleep but half an hour later she was still awake and began bawling. It turned out she needed a nappy change so it took until 9pm to finally have both kids actually asleep.

Just after 10pm I began heading to bed when I heard a whole heap of coughing and some whimpering coming from little J's monitor. He's had a cough and cold for days now so I went to see if he was ok. As I walked into his room the first thing to hit me was the smell. Something very bad had just gone down here - well, come up actually, to be more precise!

I turned on the light to find little J's bear tossed on the floor and covered in sick. I could see a small amount more on little J's hand and a slight wet patch on his pillow but it looked like a relatively easy clean up job. Oh how wrong I was!!! As I picked up the pillow to put on a dry pillow case I found a HUGE puddle of sick hidden underneath. It would appear little J had tried to do his own clean up job by just turning over the pillow and trying to go back to sleep. As he saw the look on my face his bottom lip began to quiver. I told him it was all ok and that he doesn't need to hide it when he's sick, he won't get in trouble! Poor little bear.

The more I cleaned up, the more mess I discovered - down his pajamas, soaked into his pillow, on his sheets, several blankets, the floor... I stripped it all off, removed the mattress cover too and threw it all in a heap in the bath to deal with later. Then I got my tearful little boy snuggled in some new pajamas and told him he could come and sleep with me on daddy's side of the bed as daddy was at work.

Now that he had been sick, little J seemed much better and now wanted to stay up and chat. It was by now 11pm and I was very aware that his sister would wake up for a feed any time from midnight onwards so I really did not want to stay up and talk!

At some point I must have drifted off despite little J's babbling. The next thing I remember was being woken by little J suddenly sitting up, wimpering "mama" and then BLEURGH.....sick all over our bed. Thankfully I had prepared for this eventuality. I still had one disposable bed cover thingy leftover from my home birth and had put that under little J before putting him in our bed. This clean up job was much quicker with the only real casualty being the (cheap, rubbish) pillow.

I rolled up the disposable bed cover, threw it away and got little J into (his last) clean pajamas. The next problem was where to put him to bed now. I had nothing left to protect our bed so went with the logic that his mattress is cheaper to replace than ours and decided to  put him back in his own bed. I covered his mattress in bin bags just to be on the safe side and settled him back into bed with what few clean blankets he had left.

Finally I crawled back into bed around 1am........only to be woken half an hour later by little miss A needing a feed. Thankfully she feeds fast and settles herself to sleep after so it wasn't too bad but she woke again to feed just before 5am. Then she woke again around 6am all snotty and wanting cuddles so I took her into bed with me.

At 7am the alarm went off - time to get little miss A her feed before little J wakes up and demands breakfast. I was exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was be making breakfast and getting kids dressed. I couldn't wait for hubby to get home and give me a hand.

But of course, even when hubby did arrive home, he was so tired from his shift that he was next to useless. As I took the kids out to play group, hubby slept off his night shift in preparation for his next shift starting at 4pm.

What about me? When was I going to get to sleep off my 'night shift' or get chance to prepare myself for another evening of putting the kids to bed alone?

One Bible verse kept coming to mind through it all:

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength I need" (Philippians 4:13)

I have certainly needed His strength these last few days and He has faithfully provided it!

Mama's Diary - December 10th

I feel like I deserve a medal for the day I've just had (don't all mums?). After a long and challenging day, I have just survived my first of five nights this week putting two small children to bed alone. I was dreading it ahead of time but here I am with my feet up and both kids in bed by 7:30pm!

So how did I achieve this amazing feat? Let me give you a quick run down...

5pm Breastfed #2 while #1 played nearby.
Took both kids to the kitchen to get dinner ready for #1 and put #2 in bouncy chair while heating up dinner.
Strapped #1 into his chair so he couldn't escape and left him to eat his dinner while I bathed his sister in the kitchen sink.
Gave #2 some naked tummy time on the changing mat on the kitchen floor while having words with #1 about his eating habits ("we do not throw food...please don't jam your fork in the radiator....pasta goes in your mouth not your nose etc etc).
Dressed #2 and began putting on baby wrap sling thingy ready to feed her some more.
Everyone headed to the bathroom and I lay #2 on the floor while I helped #1 get undressed and in the shower.
Began trying to put #2 in the baby sling to feed hands free while helping #1 wash but soon abandoned that idea - just can't get the hang of these darn baby wrap things. Anyway, #1 is able to wash himself, he just chooses not to.
Sang "here we go round the mulberry bush" as a way of tricking #1 into washing himself ("this is the way we wash our face....neck....back....arms......"). Meanwhile, I sat and breastfed #2.
When #2 had finished feeding on one side I put her in her crib in our room and left her to cry for a minute while I dressed #1 (who had eaten half a bath crayon during the brief time I had been out of the room).
Once dressed, I sat #1 down in front of the TV to watch Jesus Storybook Bible and handed him his Bible so he could "read" along.
Went into our room to finish feeding #2. Had to change her clothes first due to #1 splashing her during his shower. Spent the next 20 mins feeding her and then put her in bed drowsy but still awake.
Returned to the lounge to find #1 still in one piece and happily enjoying his Bible.
Read stories to #1 while #2 could be heard fussing a little over the monitor. By the end of the first story #2 was asleep.
Took #1 to his room and tucked him in to bed. Went to get him a drink while he "read" his bears a bedtime story. Returned with his drink, gave him final kisses and cuddles and turned out the light.
7:20 pm Headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on - time for a brew!!!

So there we go, everyone in bed with minimal tears and the only casualty was a ripped page of #1's Bible.  I have the utmost respect for mama's who have to go through this alone on a regular basis or who's partners work away from home!

Mama's Diary - December 4th

Today was my first full day home alone with both kids following hubby starting his new job.

The day started out fine. Little miss A went down for her morning nap without much of a fight leaving me and little J to eat breakfast.

After breakfast I got little J dressed and then put on one of his favourite TV shows to keep him occupied while I got myself ready to go out. I jumped in the shower and began washing my hair (for the first time in a week). Just then in walked little J with the TV remote complaining I put on the wrong episode of Sarah and Duck. So I jumped out of the shower, threw a towel round myself and went to put on the correct episode. With that problem solved I jumped back in the shower and began putting on conditioner (probably the first time since little miss A was born 8 weeks ago). Cue little miss A wailing over the baby monitor. She had woken up half an hour earlier than usual and now I rushed to get dressed at the speed of light and go settle her again. It wasn't long until we were planning to leave for play group anyway so I just put her in the baby carrier and started getting little J ready to leave.

So we showed up at toddler group almost on time for once but with my hair still dripping wet. The baby carrier had worked its usual magic and got little miss A back to sleep so I took the chance to grab a cuppa tea and some cake before waking her for her feed. Meanwhile little J was busy doing arts and crafts and playing with cars and making me pretend cups of tea.

Little miss A was in a fussy mood this morning and just didn't seem to want to feed properly. Trying to breastfeed while playing cars with little J isn't easy at the best of times but this morning was particularly challenging. Little miss A fussed and cried her way through story time too and by the time we got to the singing time at the end I was still fighting to get her to feed. Little J decided to join in with the fuss by first getting upset that I couldn't pick him up to do some of the actions and then having a near melt down cos we didn't sing grand old duke of York.

When toddler group was over my aim was to get home as quickly as possible to get little miss A down for a nap. I strapped a wildly protesting little J into the pushchair and put a now crying little miss A in the baby carrier and headed home. She was asleep by the time we got home so I gently put her in her own bed and went to play with little J for a while before lunch.

Lunchtime came and just as I began making something for little J and I, you guessed it, the baby monitor began to wail. Little miss A had decided to wake after 45 minutes instead of sleeping for her usual 2 hours. My attempts to resettle her failed so I ended up feeding her some more while poor little J tried to make his own lunch (yes, I let a 2 year old use the toaster).

Little miss A began to drift off so I put her in her own bed again and crossed my fingers. Next on my to do list was putting little J down for his nap. He of course decided that was the time he wanted to try to use the potty. (He wants to start potty training, I'm still resisting the idea but trying to be encouraging.) Just as little J got comfy on the potty (reading his usual car magazine), little miss A began to wail again. Five minutes later she was still yelling so I decided to risk leaving a toddler alone in the bathroom to check on her. As soon as I walked out of the room he got up and started running around semi naked - sigh!

After checking on little miss A, I got naked boy dressed and put him in bed for his nap before returning to little miss A and deciding to abandon her nap. As I sat feeding little miss A some more and listening to little J over the monitor I soon heard some whimpering. I put little miss A down and went to investigate. When I entered little J's room I was greeted by a soaking wet little boy declaring 'new trousers, new trousers'. He had decided to empty his drink into his bed and both he and the bed were soaked. I sighed and took him to our bedroom to sleep, not really expecting he actually would. To my surprise he was asleep within five minutes - hooray!

Then it dawned on me - little miss A was going to need a nap in half hour and her bed was in that room too. Error! What now? Wake little J early? Sneak little miss A in there and risk her super helpful brother trying to pick her up if she cries?

In the end I decided to just let her sleep on me so we had a peaceful hour curled up together on the sofa. I lay there wondering if I would ever get to eat lunch or go pee but enjoyed the cuddles with my precious little one.

By nature I am quite a task oriented person and get a weird kick out of ticking items off my to do list. Being a parent is teaching me to let go of my desire to get things done and focus on precious opportunities to connect with my special little people.

I'm also a bit of a perfectionist which leads me to put unhelpful expectations on myself (and my family too). I find myself hoping today will be the day that I will finally manage to get little miss A on the perfect routine. Then I end up disappointed that she doesn't want to follow Gina Ford and wondering what I could have done better.

In the rare moments I get to be alone, I've been reading a great book called "Soul Food for Mums". The other day I was reading a section about perfectionism and letting go and this bit from the Bible stood out to me:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

So that is my challenge as a mama - to trust in God and not my own ideas (or Gina Ford!), to relax and listen for the whispers of God's Spirit showing me the way forward in each challenging moment (of which there are sure to be many more).

Mama's Diary - 23rd November

It's now seven weeks since little miss A was born and here I am sat with my feet up having a cuppa tea and a quiet evening to myself while the kids both sleep peacefully. For the second time in my life I have come out the other side of the nightmare that is the first six weeks of having a newborn baby. It's time to relax and reflect...

So how has it been this time around? Surprisingly easy. Don't get me wrong, it's been pretty challenging, but not as bad as I expected. Having a newborn first time around was so much harder than I realised it would be and I was slightly dreading doing it all again with a toddler in tow. Having expected the worst it made the reality seem not so bad!

There have been moments in the last few weeks that drove me crazy and times where it felt like the kids were ganging up against me (like when just as we got little miss A to sleep at 5am, our toddler who NEVER wakes in the night decided to wake up shouting!). There have also been some beautiful moments where I have had quality alone time with each of my dear children and hubby too. And there have been some hilariously funny moments (like when little miss A was crying and I said she needed milk and her super helpful big brother then rushed to the fridge to get the milk carton.)

I've been trying to decide what has made it so much easier this time around and I think a lot of it comes down to two things: confidence and expectations.

Back in the days before children I expected to be able to sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, shower when I wanted and have an uninterrupted evening relaxing with hubby. When little J came along and trampled all over those expectations I found it incredibly frustrating and as a result often felt stressed and annoyed each time he cried and demanded my attention.

This time around I'm living in a whole new world where I am used to my wants coming second to the little people in my life. This time around I fully expected little miss A to prevent me from showering for days on end. I've found myself celebrating each time I do get a shower instead of getting annoyed each time I don't. And this time around I expected weeks on end of getting no time to relax in front of the TV of an evening so instead of getting annoyed each time little miss A cries, I've just allowed myself to sit and enjoy cuddles with my little girl. After all, she will only be little for a short time but reruns of Grey's Anatomy and Big Bang Theory will be around for years to come.

Last time around we had no clue what we were doing or how long this difficult phase would last. Would little J ever sleep on his own? Would we ever get a full nights sleep again? Would me and hubby ever get time alone? Would I ever get to eat dinner without trying to breastfeed a screaming kid at the same time? The not knowing made it very stressful and that stress was made worse by the feeling that perhaps we were doing something wrong that was preventing him from learning to sleep.

This time around we're so much more laid back as we know it's only a phase - just gotta grit your teeth and get through this first six weeks!

Last time I was constantly reading up on stuff and focused on doing things "right" and trying to teach little J good habits and get him on a routine as early as possible. This time around I've ignored all the books and just done my own thing.

Baby only wants to sleep on mummy and daddy the first few weeks? Meh, let her do it - little girls need their cuddles.

Baby wants to sleep in our bed instead of her own most nights? Meh, as long as she does sleep I don't care where it is.

I've come to realise that for the first six weeks it's much better to relax and just do whatever works. It's much too soon to be worrying about routines or negative sleep associations and all that jazz. Just enjoy your little one and feel free to rock/feed/cuddle them to sleep if that's what they want!

Talking of feeding, I think little miss A is stirring ready for a feed. That's my cue.......

My home birth story

Little miss A is already 2 weeks old and finally I have time to sit down and write about how she came into the world.

The last few weeks of pregnancy she was sat so low I could barely walk but after a false alarm in week 38 it seemed clear she was still staying put. Finally at 4am on a Saturday morning I woke up with strong contractions. An hour later they were still going strong so I started to time them......already 3 mins apart and 1 min long.....time to wake hubby.

I took some paracetamol and began fumbling around to find my phone and the TENS machine. This time around we had planned for a home birth which meant being assigned two lovely midwives who would come round to help deliver baby. I knew my primary midwife was off for a couple of days and coming back on shift that morning as she had told me after my previous false alarm that I either needed to push the kid out before Wednesday or wait til Saturday. Unable to remember when she started work, hubby called her mobile to see what her answerphone message said - off until 8:30am Saturday. Well there was no way I was gonna last on my own til then so time to call midwife number two........and she wasn't answering! Time for plan C - calling the duty midwife. Hubby called maternity reception and they said they'd get the duty midwife to call back ASAP. By the time she called back it was already approaching 6am. While she was on the phone to hubby, midwife number one called on the other phone as she spotted my missed call and wondered what was going on. When I told her about my contractions and she heard there was no midwife with me yet she said she'd be straight round despite not being due to start work for a few hours yet.

While we waited for the midwife to arrive I strapped on the TENS machine and we began to get the lounge ready for what was about to unfold - coffee table moved aside, shower curtain down to protect the carpet, old duvet down for me to get comfortable on, old towels at the ready and home birth kit ready in the corner.

As time ticked by it became clear baby was well on her way but wouldn't arrive before little J got out of bed so it was time to come up with a childcare plan. Unsurprisingly, not many people like to answer their phone at 6am so hubby kept phoning through a list of friends.

At 6:45am midwife number one arrived armed with the gas and air (hooray!!). We were all sat on the sofa watching scrubs and joking around as she took my vitals and I breathed through contractions. It was such a change from my previous labour where I was lying on a bed in hospital with nothing to distract me from the pain and no conversation.

By 7am we had found a friend to look after little J but now baby was too close for hubby to leave the house and run little J up there so more phonecalls to find someone to drive little J up there. Very soon after Matt showed up to save the day and we bundled little J off to play at a friends house with no explanation to him as to why. Thankfully he seemed totally fine with the whole idea and went without a fuss.

Soon I reached the point where I was feeling pressure in my butt and getting close to the pushing phase - time to turn off Scrubs so I could concentrate. By now the duty midwife had shown up to assist. At this point my waters were still intact and I was just sat on the edge of the sofa puffing away on the gas and air. The midwives were regularly checking both mine and baby's vital signs and at one point baby's heart rate suddenly dropped down to 80. Things went from calm and lighthearted to slightly more serious and the midwives sprang into action to break my waters (while I was lying on the sofa) and hurry baby along. Very soon after her heart rate went back to normal and I moved on to the floor and got ready to begin pushing.

During my last labour I barely pushed at all as I was given an episiotomy and little J arrived 2 pushes later. This time I was going to have to do it properly. Thankfully, this time around I had much better direction than last time when the only instruction I got was "less shouting, more pushing". This time hubby sat behind me to prop me up and give support and it made such a difference. It took me a while to get the hang of pushing. I'd always assumed that when they say "push like your doing a really big poo" they meant push like you're pooing out of your baby hole but they really do mean "push EXACTLY like you're doing a really big poo". After almost 30 mins of pushing I was exhausted and just wanted it to be over. It felt like just as I had got the hang of pushing I was told "don't push......pant" as the head crowned and the midwives tried to get me to deliver it slowly. Apparently little miss A emerged with her head wiggling from side to side as if trying to burrow her way out!

The sense of relief when she was finally out and I didn't have to push anymore was immense! I was so dazed that when they held her up for us to see if she was a boy or girl I really couldn't take it in. It was great to finally meet our little girl and hold her.

Of course that's never quite the end of the story - there was still the placenta to deliver, paper work to be filled out and a whole heap of mess to clean up, not to mention a few stitches required. I opted to deliver the placenta naturally but didn't expect it to take another 45 mins. I eventually delivered it in a very undignified manner squatting over a plastic tub.

This time around I got to see all the blood and gore (and there was a fair bit of it!) but the midwives did a great job of cleaning it all up. The duvet I laid on didn't have a mark on it and you would never know my waters had broken on the sofa.

As one midwife checked over little miss A, I lay on the sofa to have my stitches done and hubby made tea and toast for us all. It was so nice to be in the comfort of my own home enjoying breakfast and cuddling the newest member of our family. After some final checks, the midwives left, taking all the mess with them and it was as if nothing had ever happened - except now we had a beautiful baby girl.

Mama's Diary - 20th September

Well I'm finally on maternity leave and let me tell you, it's no where near as much fun second time around. I don't think I really appreciated how much I was able to just lie on the sofa and watch TV last time. This time around I have a toddler to chase! My days are spent at parent and toddler groups, reading stories and playing with play dough and the only TV I get to sit and watch is Peppa Pig!!

I am very blessed that hubby usually doesn't work in the day time so I do have plenty of help but this past week he's been doing overtime leaving me home alone with little J for 5 whole days!! I've been dreading it to be honest but it's not been too bad. Lunchtime naps have helped me stay sane and one day when I was struggling little J was good enough to let me lie on the sofa and watch Aladdin (yep, there goes all my good intentions about not letting the kid watch too much TV). It's been hard not being able to take little J out much when the weather is so nice but baby is so low down I can barely walk to the end of the street without needing the bathroom again so trips to the park are a no go. One great way of getting him some exercise is bubbles - mummy lies on the sofa blowing bubbles and little J runs around like a crazy thing chasing them - everyone is a winner!

My sister is pregnant with her first child and is due 6 months after me and I was just thinking about how different things are the second time around. Just like us first time around, she's already pretty well prepared and got the nursery ready despite barely being in her second trimester.

Compare that to us this time around - I'm 37 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, baby could show up anytime and we're anything but organised. I only just packed my hospital bag 2 days ago, spent most of last night helping hubby build flat pack furniture, have baby clothes drying all round the house as I only just washed them and we haven't even talked about names yet, let alone picked one!

Little J is starting to have more understanding of what is going on and likes to point at things around the house and tell me they are for baby. He also likes to try to involve baby in his games sometimes - like squirting baby with his bath toys or 'showing' baby what he's playing with (he doesn't quite understand that baby can't actually see through my belly). The other day I had to tell him off for pinching baby really hard - hopefully not a sign of things to come when baby arrives!!

I am personally very ready for pregnancy to be over. Trying to sleep at night is near impossible and my bladder is taking a real beating. Come on little one - hurry up and come on out to meet us!!

What it feels like for a girl - reprise

The other day a friend of mine, assuming that as a mama I would be carrying the contents of a small chemist, asked me if I had any ibuprofen. He was somewhat shocked when I said I only carry paracetamol as its the only thing you can have during pregnancy. His response was "wow, I'm glad I'm not you - pregnancy sucks."

It dawned on me then how little clue most men (and a lot of women) have about what us women are put through during pregnancy so, guys, here's a few insights....

It starts with what is ironically called 'morning sickness' but should be called morning, noon and night sickness as it starts in the morning and gets worse through the day. Favourite foods taste funny or just plain make you sick and sometimes just the smell of something is all it takes to have you rushing for the bathroom. Imagine a three month long stomach bug that doesn't respond to medication and that is morning sickness.

The surge of hormones at various points during pregnancy gives you headaches but all you can take for it is paracetamol. Your immune system is suppressed so you end up with every illness going round and your body decides to over produce mucus so it feels like you have a permanent cold but you can't take any cold and flu pills - only paracetamol. As well as all this you feel so tired all the time all you want to do is sleep.

Once the first trimester is over things get better for a while and you start to feel human again. Nesting instinct kicks in and you feel a strong urge to move furniture, clear the house out and tidy every little thing.

But then the third trimester comes along and with it all the trappings of being the size of a house. Your hips hurt and you regularly get trapped nerves thanks to a small child sitting on them. Every time you stand up you feel the need to pee thanks to the little person sat on your bladder. You haven't seen your feet in weeks but now you can't reach them either so forget things like painting your toe nails or putting your own socks on.

Now when you sneeze you get head butted in the pubic bone by a little person. Trying to sleep at night is challenging as it's near impossible to get comfortable and once you do finally get to sleep you have to get up 4 or 5 times a night to pee. Trying to roll over or get up is like a full on military operation and you have to be careful not to get up too fast or you get all dizzy and light headed.

Sex also becomes incredibly challenging and not just because of the logistics relating to your ever growing size. From the guys point of view nothing much has changed and it still feels the same. But once you can feel the baby moving inside of you, sex feels like a very bizarre threesome as the baby responds to your partners touch and movements. Even when hubby gives me a back rub I find junior kicking in response.

Oh, and in the last couple of months you find that orgasms often set off painful contractions meaning that instead of having a happy ending sex results in you curled up in agony for 10 mins clutching your spasming belly. So guys, if your preggo mrs doesn't seem too keen on sex don't take it personally!

On top of all this you have many other fun symptoms like gas, indigestion, constipation, puffy ankles, bad skin, crazy things going on with your hair...

The saying goes "pregnancy is not an illness" and it's true but sometimes I wish it was so maybe I'd get a little sympathy! Instead you're just expected to get on with it and not complain and some people even have the cheek to make comments about how wonderful this beautiful natural state must be.

Having said all that, there is still much to be thankful for among all these challenges. Though it sucks to feel so ill for so long, at least I know it will come to an end and I even know roughly when. Plus there's a happy ending when the baby arrives.

How much worse must it be to have a long term illness and live every day not knowing if or when the symptoms will end or get worse or what might go wrong next.

And so when I'm having a rough day and wishing pregnancy would end, I take time to thank God that the end is in sight and to pray for those who's suffering is way worse than mine.

Mamas Diary - 31st July

Today is another typical Thursday - come home from work to find a sleeping child and the house littered with toys and clothes. Quickly say hello to hubby before he rushes out to work. We have the usual brief handover talk (what's the kid eaten/how many episodes of peppa pig has he watched/is there anything you promised him he could have or do when mummy gets home?). Attempt to pick up a little but my protruding baby bump gets in the way and I give up.

As little J naps I put my feet up and eat lunch while writing next weeks dinner menu and shopping list. This is one of the rare times in the week when it's just me with no one else around to distract me or demand things from me. Every week I think to myself I should take this time to relax, to read, to pray and to just "be" in God's presence and every week it turns into time to catch up on chores. Grrr, really need to change that habit but this darn nesting instinct that comes with the third trimester is difficult to shake off.

When little J wakes up it takes a grand total of 30 seconds before he starts asking to watch peppa pig. So we curl up on the sofa with a snack and a drink and watch a couple of episodes about birthdays and treasure hunts.

As usual I'm having bathroom breaks at a rate of 2 or three an hour and this time I emerge from the bathroom to find little J sporting my reading glasses. They actually fit him quite well! (I have to buy my glasses from the kids section.)

Little J has a thing for pouring stuff at the minute (mostly pouring mummys drink into daddys drink or pouring his drink into his dinner) so I came up with the idea of doing some water play with different size cups. My plan for some educational water play teaching him about things like volume and floating didn't quite go to plan. Little J decides instead to (over) water my plants, water my legs and then pour water all over the floor to make puddles to splash in.

We take a break for more snacks (I swear this kid has hollow legs), clean nappy and dry trousers but have a granola related spillage and little J insists we immediately hoover it up. Not sure where he got this cleaning addiction from but it certainly wasn't me. So we hoover up the granola - well, I say we, I try to help but little J keeps taking the hoover off me so I end up putting my feet up and watching him do it. I end up having to wrestle the hoover from him to put it away which results in some tears.

Little J heads to the kitchen to replace his split granola and emerges with a pear in one hand and a plum in the other. Though I don't want him to get into the habit of constantly snacking all day, who can say no to a child who asks for more fruit?

We head back out to the garden and this time bear comes too. Bear seems to be getting roped into quite a lot of activities recently and today is no exception. Before I can say anything little J  has bear splashing in muddy puddles. I make the mistake of saying 'bear needs a bath now' and little J proceeds to bath bear in the water table. I decide to give up and play along and offer to get bear a towel. I return with a tea towel and little J uses it to wrap bear up and cuddle him dry just like we do when when get little J out of the bath. Looks like this kid is gonna be a pretty great big brother to his sibling (just hope he doesn't put baby in any muddy puddles!).

After some more running around the house and some fun playing with little J's farm it's finally time for dinner. As usual, he's too impatient to wait for dinner to be warmed up and helps himself to an oat cracker while he waits. Dinner time involves the usual negotiations to get little mr "attention span of a fish" to stay at the table for the entire meal but he does eventually eat all his pasta and then starts trying to raid the cupboard for more food after!

Next comes family bathtime and daddy is home just in time. Little J excitedly heads for the bathroom and starts pointing at the bubble bath. Some nights we manage to all get in the bath together which gives me and hubby chance to chat and catch up before dinner. But when hubby sees little J toss a very muddy bear in to the bath he has second thoughts about joining us and instead opts for a quick bit of playstation time (the first in months).

So little J, muddy bear and I enjoy a fun half hour playing with bubbles, squirting water and occasionally even washing ourselves. Next comes the nightly ritual of chasing little J around the house to get his PJ's on. Thankfully daddy is on hand to help with this as little J runs a lot faster than my pregnant frame can waddle.

Next it's time for prayer and story time. Which story tonight? The bad tempered ladybird of course because no day would be complete without having to read it at least once. After kisses and cuddles we head to bed where daddy has already placed a nice dry "spare bear" (buying two identical ones was the best idea ever) ready for sleep.

As I head back to the lounge I can hear a happy little boy chatting and singing over the baby monitor. Hubby has dinner about ready (he's so good to me) and it's finally time to relax and take the weight off my aching hips and pelvis. After a long afternoon with my favourite little boy it's now time to enjoy time with my favourite man. Roll on a movie night and plenty of pie and squirty cream - mmmmm mmmmmm. Life is good.

Mamas Diary - Day 1

I was just reading a great article about journaling as a spiritual discipline and was particularly struck by these words:

"Keeping a journal can be greatly beneficial in ripening our joy along the journey. There is always more going on in us and around than we can appreciate at the time. Journaling is a way of slowing life down for just a few moments, and trying to process at least a sliver of it for the glory of God, our own growth and development, and our enjoyment of the details."

Let's be honest, I'm not massively enjoying pregnancy second time around and there are days where parenting feels like an endurance test rather than a joy. As a mama, often running around like a headless chicken and trying to do several things at once, it's hard to make time for yourself and time to reflect but I know I'll be better for it (and a better mama to my kids) if I make that time. I don't want these precious moments with my kids to pass by and be forgotten, I want to make time to enjoy the details.

So here goes....what details have I enjoyed the last few days?

At first thought it's easier to think of what I haven't enjoyed! I didn't enjoy endless hours of waddling around chasing a toddler at our friends wedding while hubby was on best man duties. I didn't enjoy that every conversation I tried to have was interrupted by the need to chase after little J. I didn't enjoy being 6 months pregnant in a stuffy building during a heatwave. And I really didn't enjoy the shouts of 'mama, mama, mama, mama, mama' over and over again on the car drive home.

But I did enjoy the silly things little J does when he's tired. Like on the way home, each time he yawned he'd then start repeating "no, no.no" while shaking his head and pulling a face like he was entering a gurning competition. Hubby and I were in stitches watching him in the rear view mirror!

I enjoyed seeing how our fun loving laid back little boy got along so well with everyone he met. I enjoyed hearing people say how sweet and cheerful and helpful he is. I enjoyed doing colouring together between courses at the wedding dinner and watching him use the gravel in the car park to create his own rockery in the flowerbeds outside the church (yeah, sorry, that was our kid!). I enjoy that now no trip is complete without the boy bringing home at least one rock (even if it does drive me nuts keep finding them around the house!).

I enjoyed watching him dancing at the evening party - especially when hubby tried to join in and little J kept forcibly moving him out of the way cos he didn't want daddy stealing his limelight haha.

I enjoyed our trip to the park while hubby played football and seeing him push his boundaries and grow in skill and confidence. Quick funny story from the park: so it's almost time to go and little J asks to go on the climbing frame again but, knowing I may never reach to get him off again, I tell him no. Instead he asks to go on the roundabout and I agree telling him he can have a quick go and then it's time to leave. So on the roundabout he jumps and then beacons me to join him. On I jumped and then......little J jumped off and started pushing me. At first I thought "how sweet" - until the little monkey ran off towards the climbing frame leaving me still spinning and unable to immediately chase him! Not even 2 years old yet and already a little con artist! 

Best baby buys (and things to give a miss)

I have several friends who are pregnant for the first time and one thing they all seem to want to know is what do they REALLY need for a new baby. When our little boy was born I think we did a pretty good job of not going overboard with stuff but there were still some things we bought that weren't as useful as we thought they would be. So here's my experience of what we did and didn't need.....

Moses basket:
They say a moses basket is good for the first 3 months but despite our little one being a small baby (6 lb 4oz) he grew out of it in 2 months. For this reason I would say if you're gonna get one spend as little as possible on it. Even better just borrow one for a couple of months and only buy a new mattress.

Baby bath:
Great for the first 6 weeks but then the boy started kicking so hard he almost flew out the end! We quickly gave up on it and just took him in the bath with us. We've not bothered keeping it for baby number two. I can totally see now why mum just bathed my little brother in the kitchen sink. Instead of getting a baby bath, why not just get a spare washing up bowl that will be good for water play and other useful things once the kid outgrows it.

Baby carrier:
Great for when you want to go into town without having to fight your way through the crowds with a buggy - definitely found it massively useful. I did however end up regretting our choice of baby carrier and will be getting a different one for baby number two. We got a carrier that allows the baby to face in or out on your front but I found carrying the baby facing outwards put so much pressure on my back I had to give up on the carrier at 6 months old. Our next carrier will be one that allows back carrying as well as on my front and ideally one that allows me to breastfeed too. Also consider how easy it is to get a baby in and out and to put the carrier on without help. I would recommend going along to your local baby sling meeting to try out a few different types before you buy.

Muslins: 
Sooo useful, you can never have too many - for mopping up sick, using as a cover while breastfeeding, fashioning into a sun hat when you've lost their actual hat, makeshift nappy, spare blanket, sun shield for the buggy.....

Bibs:
We got plenty of little material bibs and have barely used any of them. It depends on how dribbly your kid is as to how useful they are. What we have found useful is the plastic wipe clean bibs, especially those with sleeves - can never have too many of these once the kid starts on solids! Great for messy arts and crafts too.

Playmat:
When they're really little there are very few toys babies will play with but a play mat is a great toy. We got one of those 'sit me up' type ones that is a playmat/ring to sit in/support for learning to sit. Seemed like a great idea ahead of time but didn't live up to expectation. We got rid of it and will be replacing it with a simpler playmat with hanging toys over - much better at keeping a newborns attention.

Bouncy chair:
We got given one and I found it quite useful for when I wanted a bath/shower or was trying to do things in the kitchen. However, I had to stop using it at around 6-8 months as the boy kept trying to escape and nearly fell on his head a few times. If we hadn't had been given one I don't think I would have missed it.

Breast pump:
Great for helping to relieve swollen boobs in the early days of breastfeeding but other than that I didn't use mine a whole lot. If you're planning on going back to work quite early on and expressing milk for the babysitter then it's well worth investing in an electric pump as the manual ones are a lot of effort. If you're only gonna express occasionally though then manual is fine. Bare in mind that though you may plan on breastfeeding it may not work out that way once baby is born so maybe keep hold of the receipt just in case!

Breast pads:
I must have spent a fortune on disposable breast pads those first few weeks. Then I discovered some reusable ones for half price and was instantly converted. I got enough for 4/5 days without needing to do laundry and saved a fortune. Just bare in mind that you need to change the pads regularly to prevent thrush.

Nursing bras:
Mothercare regularly have sales and I'm so glad I waited for their sale as I got a couple of pretty £25 bras for £5 each. For sleeping in I just got a couple of normal stretchy crop top/sports bra style bras instead of spending loads on special nursing bras. In the end I ended up abandoning my nursing bras and wearing my bedtime bras all the time as I found clipping and unclipping the nursing bras annoying - much easier to just lift up one side of my sports bra. Plus your boobs change shape and size so much during the day it was much more comfortable to wear stretchy bras that could change shape too.

I didn't bother with any special nursing clothes either. Instead I wore boob tops under baggy shirts (just lift the shirt up and pull the boob top down) or vest tops under buttoned tops/shirts (undo top buttons and lift up vest top).

Swaddle blankets:
Great for helping newborns sleep soundly as in the early days they have inbuilt reflexes that cause them to flail their arms during sleep and accidentally wake themselves up. Once they no longer need the swaddle blankets, sleeping bags are great as you know they won't kick the blanket off and get cold in the night.

Room thermometer:
Very helpful to be sure your little ones room is at a good temperature but not worth spending a fortune on. We got a simple cardboard one for a couple of pounds. Later we had a baby monitor that had one built in so it soon became obsolete and I was glad we hadn't spent much.

Nappy cream/baby wash/baby powder:
You'll get given so many freebies of this stuff that there's no need to stock up before junior is born. (I still have some samples left almost 2 years later!) However, if you see a good offer go for it.

Vests and sleepsuits:
They will go through several outfits a day for the first few months so make sure you've got plenty of vests (long sleeve for winter, short for summer) and sleepsuits. Look for styles that allow easy nappy change access as you're gonna be changing nappies A LOT!! Don't go crazy buying loads of really cute outfits as they grow out of them superfast and are just gonna poo and puke all over them. Make the most of hand me downs and charity shops.

Nappies:
You'll be going through 10-12 a day in the early days so stock up. Look out for Boots 3 for 2 offers and stockpile for later (but be aware they will grow out of the newborn size relatively quickly)

That's all I can think of for now but fellow mommas feel free to add your two cents in the comments section

Here we go again

Well I'm now 27 weeks into pregnancy number two and finally found some time to sit down and reflect on the journey. I've just been reading over my blog posts from when I was pregnant with little J and it's so funny comparing my attitudes and expectations to what actually happened.

So what is different about pregnancy second time around? Well the novelty factor isn't there this time around so symptoms that were kinda funny at first last time around are just plain annoying. This time around instead of being able to crash on the sofa and watch TV when I get home from work, I have a toddler jumping on me and wanting to play. It's much harder to get rest and look after myself this time around and I'm much more laid back about stuff too. Hubby is also much more laid back - no more being wrapped up in cotton wool this time around. (I think he's got a little too used to me acting like super woman and has now come to expect it as normal.)

How we treat baby is different this time too. Last time we were able to read stories to baby during pregnancy every night. By the time he was born we'd read him the Bible one and a half times already. This time around we've tried reading Jesus story book Bible to baby when little J goes to bed but little J doesn't like to share his Bible and instead wants to 'read' it himself (which is cute but baby can't see the pictures that little J is pointing at).

As I think about baby joining our family I hope they will know they are loved. I hope that they won't feel less loved than little J. He's been so lucky to have our full attention for so long. I wonder how he will handle having to share the attention with another little person? He's fascinated by babies at the minute and has begun being really helpful/protective towards younger kids which is cute but they're not direct competition so it may well be a different story when baby arrives!!

Parenting has been relatively easy the last few months (some tantrums and grumpy days but we all get good sleep, the boy can pretty much make his own breakfast now and there's plenty of fun, singing and charades style conversation) - I have a feeling it's going to become very challenging again soon. I have vague memories of hating the newborn phase and the extreme sleep deprivation. How will I handle that when I also have a toddler who won't allow me to go back to sleep for an hour during baby's morning nap?! And how will I handle things like sibling rivalry and trying to potty train a toddler at the same time as sleep training a newborn?? I am very aware that I am going to need a huge portion of God's grace to keep me sane!

Any of my friends with multiple kids got any advice?

Playhouse craft

Since getting back from sunny Portugal we've had plenty of rainy days stuck at home so I've had to come up with ideas to keep little J amused. While we were on holiday little J loved being able to use keys to unlock our hotel room. Now we're back home he is frustrated that the lock on our front door is too high to reach (much to my relief or else he'd be running out in the street!).

The other day I had a brainwave. I grabbed a large cardboard box we were about to throw away and began designing little J his own play house. I flattened the box and lay it on the floor so I could draw out the windows and door. Little J promptly plopped down on his belly  beside me with a handful of crayons and began colouring in my design. In fact he spent the rest of the afternoon at work with his crayons and was sad when I told him he had to stop for dinner.

While he was in bed that night I set to work cutting out window holes, a door, a letter box and most important of all a key hole. When little J got up the next morning he was excited to see our creation complete and ready for play time.  Since then he's played in there every day with his bears and even got me to sit in there and read stories with him. It's proved to be a great way to pass the rainy days.

When he gets bored of this creation my next plan is a pirate ship with a treasure map and treasure chest so he can recreate a story he's borrowed from the library. I'll let you know how that goes :)

Six on Sunday - loving Lagos

We just went on our first European holiday as a family and all had a whale of a time. We got a great deal on 5 nights to Lagos in Portugal and I wanted to share the highlights with you all so here's six things we loved about Lagos:

1. Our hotel

We stayed at Carvi Hotel and though it wasn't the most kid friendly place (the pool is 1.25m at the shallow end and I don't remember ever seeing any high chairs in the dining room), the service was excellent. The staff were so friendly and helpful and were great with little J. It's nicely decorated and the breakfast buffet was great. The best thing about it though has to be the location - on a cliff top overlooking Dona Ana beach. There are steps down to the beach right by the hotel and several other great beaches within 20 mins walk. The Old town with all it's restaurants is only 10-15 mins walk away as well.

 

2. The beaches

Not only were we staying next to one of the world's most beautiful beaches but there were 3 or 4 other great beaches all within 20 mins walk of our hotel. 

Praia Dona Ana

Praia Don Ana isn't great for building sand castles as it's quite grainy but it's a beautiful place to relax and you can also take a boat trip to see the grottos and the other beaches hidden along the coast line as far as Ponta De Piedade. 

Praia Do Batata is a beautiful sandy beach located right in the heart of town - a great place to relax just before/after trying the restaurants in town. 

Praia do Pinhao looks lovely but the access to it isn't great - down a lane covered in graffitti followed by a lot of steps with no railings to stop you from tumbling down the sheer drop! We just admired this one from the cliff top and decided not to venture down the steps.

Our favourite beach was Praia do Estudantes (pictured at the top of this post). It was a great sheltered cove with tunnels in the rocks leading to other coves either side. There was also an Italian/seafood restaurant up on the hillside behind the beach which was a great place to grab lunch or enjoy the view while having a few drinks. There were plenty more great beaches nearby that we didn't get chance to see so you really are spoilt for choice!

3. The food

We ate some pretty amazing food at very reasonable prices. 

Quay Lagos is a lovely bar/bistro run by Brits and located right on the marina. It's nicely decorated and has a great view of the marina so is a lovely place to have a few drinks and watch the world go by. The staff were so friendly and welcoming - always happy to chat and great with our little boy. The food was amazing! My lamb just fell off the bone and hubbys pork and clams was in a great tasting sauce. We barely had room for pudding but managed to share a lemon tart and were so glad we did. It was home made and served with luxury vanilla ice cream and oranges in a cardamom syrup which little J devoured eagerly. 

Next door to Quay Lagos is Crema Di Gelato ice cream parlour which serves some of the most amazing home made ice cream. Their generous one scoop cone costs only 2 euros so is about the same price as a Mr Whippy back home but bigger and waaaaaay better!

The Green Room is a cute little Mexican place run by a Kiwi. It's pretty small and the menu is basic but what they do serve they do very well with good size portions at reasonable prices. Their quesadillas were amazing, burritos the size of your head and the chocolate brownie was great too. We got a starter, 2 mains, pudding and drinks all for just over 25 euros!

The Garden

The Garden is an open air BBQ restaurant with a great atmosphere. Owned by a south African and with very friendly staff, they serve a mixture of BBQ and Morrocan food as well as some great freshly made pasta dishes. The food is nothing spectacular but is freshly made with good quality ingredients and cooked right in front of you on a big BBQ grill. What really makes this place is the unique atmosphere. Where else can you eat dinner sat on hay bales and then curl up in a hammock with a few cocktails after?! They even provide blankets for when the evening gets cooler.

4. The people

The place is full of expats living there and lots of different nationalities seem to visit too. So instead of it being full of Brits on package holidays we got to meet Aussies, Kiwis, Americans, Dutch and South Africans. Everyone was so friendly and ready to chat and everyone seemed to agree Lagos is a great place to holiday!

5. The old historic town

A great place to wander round with cobbled streets, plenty of specialist shops and a wide choice of restaurants.

6. The boat trips

Boat trip to Ponta De Piedade

There are plenty of boat trips and watersports on offer as well as shark fishing and dolphin watching. We went on one of the boat trips to the grottos and enjoyed getting to see the rocky coastline from the sea. The best way to see the grottos has to be the kayak tour that allows you to kayak right inside the caves. We decided taking a 1 year old and a pregnant lady in a kayak for 3 hours wasn't a smart idea but if we go back when the kids are older this is top of our list of things we want to do.

Where are all the real men?...

At work the other day we were talking about the guys we see when going out clubbing and how many of them are wearing make up and pluck their eyebrows better than us ladies. With male role models like the cast of 'The only way is Essex' is it any wonder though? Plus as women fight for equality I can't help thinking we're stepping on guys toes and further blurring the lines of what makes a man, well......a man.

A member of my family recently changed his name to something more gender neutral as he says he doesn't feel particularly masculine or feminine.  Looking at today's culture I can totally see why someone might feel that way and looking at what society portrays as manhood I'm kinda glad he doesn't fit that mould.

It seems to me that most men today fall in to one of these two categories:

- very well groomed, in touch with their 'feminine' side, big softies and as a result get called gay regardless of whether they are or not.
- guys who are so worried about being called gay that they go to the other extreme - acting like thugs and having questionable personal hygiene.

I don't think either of these are what "real" men are supposed to be.

The media seems to tell everyone that real men don't cry, don't care about personal hygiene, don't talk about their problems, treat women like garbage and always solve things with their fists. When I read the Bible I see a very different picture of manhood and surely the God who created man should be the one who we look to for our definition of what true manhood is, not Hollywood?!

The Bible shows us men who aren't afraid to cry (John 11:35, Matthew 26:75) and men who have very close friendships with other guys without fear of being called gay (1 Samuel 18:1-3). I could sit here and give you a whole list of what the Bible has to say about manhood but that would be too easy for you - go look for yourself!

While researching this topic I came across some interesting articles about the question of manhood. This video challenges us about the damage our wrong message of manhood is doing to our boys. This article raises the issue of the disservice we do to our children, both boys and girls, when we avoid the question of gender altogether and try to treat male and female as interchangeable. For a whole sermon series on the subject go on over to Desiring God.

This article about "Peter Pan Syndrome" addresses a slightly different element of how manhood has gone wrong in today's society but gets right to the heart of it all when it says...

In short, to “act like men”, means, to act like the Man. We must see that we are being transformed into the very image of the God-Man, of Jesus Christ (Rom. 8:29). 

Are you a guy trying to work out what it means to be a man? Or are you someone confused about your gender or identity? Let me assure you that the only label that really defines you is not male/female/gay/straight/geek/jock etc etc - you are quite simply a child of God. If we all let our Father in heaven define us instead of the media and those around us the world would be a much less confusing place for us all!